Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Choosing a donor

Mr. Jem successfully delivered our donor vial (plus a bunch of his vials) to Dr. W from Dr. Z's clinic. 

The donor vial was purchased as backup before our first IVF in Oct 2009 (so long ago!!). Back then Mr. Jem did his utmost to supply us with fresh sample - even going under the knife to supply enough for IVF, so we didn't use the donor sperm. We didn't need it for the other two IVFs, either. But, now that we're doing a donor sperm IUI, we need it.

So, how did I pick a donor?

I selected three possible candidates, based on physical characteristics of Mr. Jem - Dark hair, brown eyes, no freckles. We sat down and read the donor profiles and our donor was a clear winner. What made him so fetching? Here's what we like, in addition to matching the characteristics mentioned above:
  • Health - the donor's family didn't have major illness (other donors and their family had big issues like cancer and drug use, really!!)
  • Family - his profile described a strong family unit. He wrote in his donor essay:
    "I'm very close with both of my parents. They're very different, with different attributes and imperfections, but I have always felt loved and supported. There is always a reason to laugh."

    I LOVED those words, as they describe Mr. Jem and me, the parents WE want to be.
  • Donor's mother is a visual artist and a writer, like mine.
  • Donor's father is a university professor and architect, not like mine.
  • Smarts: the donor got the same (high) score on his Math SATs as Mr. Jem, who is wicked good at math.
  • Tall(ish) and athletic: Okay, the donor is a good 5 inches talker than Mr. Jem, but hey, why not? My father is over 6 feet tall.
  • Love of travel: as do Mr. Jem and I.
  • Interesting tidbit: donor has half-siblings who are fraternal twins (father's first marriage)
  • Ashkenazi Jewish: Mr. Jem and I aren't super religious, but we are deeply culturally Jewish and this fact means a lot to us.
Basically, this guy is someone I would enjoy talking to at a dinner party. I would love to meet this family of his. AND Mr. Jem is comfortable with him.

If you use(d) donor sperm, how did YOU pick your donor?


P.S. To answer Linda's question from my last post, we weren't fired from Dr. Z, but I heard he does that if he thinks he can't help someone. Not nice, but keeps his stats high, doesn't it? Actually we never had our WTF appointment with Dr. Z after our last IVF. We chose to work with Dr. W at R-S-C in San.Ramon because:
  • We're doing an IUI, not IVF and Dr. Z only does IVF
  • It's geographically closer
  • Plus, we weren't convinced all the immunological testing and treatment makes a difference and lastly,
  • Even PGD did not help us. (sigh)


Mrs. Gamgee said...

I've always wondered about how one would go about choosing a donor. It makes me wonder what characteristics would be important to my Beloved and I if we were in that situation. Thanks for giving us an inside glimpse.

Anonymous said...

He sounds wonderful :) xo

Marissa said...

We talked about it. My husband wanted someone who looked like him, but probably not to the degree of facial matching done by software. ;) Height, hair, eye color. We didn't want any major health risks either (no, seriously).

We wanted someone who liked reading (as my husband does). That's about as far as we got.