Tuesday, February 9, 2010

R.I.P. Grandma

Grandma passed at 12:30 a.m. early this morning. My aunt was with her when she died. Earlier that evening a group of friends of my aunts came to her hospital room and sang to her. They do this often to help people pass. I'm sorry I missed this, as I was told it was a moving moment.

I am so sad that she's gone, but also happy that she didn't linger in pain.

Thanks again to you all for your support.

Jem

P.S. My apologies for not being a good commenter lately. I haven't even read any blogs lately.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Next beta = what?

HCG plateaued at 338. Ugghh. I have to go back into the clinic on Friday for another u/s and possibly shot of doom (?). Gotta love the ectopic.

Uggh.

Grandma's liver is failing. I feel so bad because I am down in SoCal for work and can't be there. I know it's okay, but I feel terrible.

I arrived here yesterday (Sunday) and spent the day with my college roommate. We had lunch by the beach, a walk on the strand. Then mani/pedis (first in MONTHS!). I called it "Operation Xan.ax" because I felt so much better by the end of the day.

Jem

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Grandma Report 2

Grandma is resting comfortably. There's nothing medical to be done now, except to make her comfortable. That's code for lots of morph.ine.

She smiled at me briefly on Thursday when I came in the room, but has been unconscious since. Her breathing has become labored. My mom flew down from Oregon so the whole family is gathered around her to say goodbye.

I had an hour yesterday alone with her while others were running errands. It was wonderful to just hold her hand and tell her how much I love her and to thank her for being the source of so much love, support, good humor, intellectual curiosity.

(I can't believe two post with no mention of IF - it's a relief not to be navel-gazing and contemplating my bareness, but to celebrating the wonderful life of a 96-y-o woman, being there for her and for my family!)

Jem

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Grandma Report

My wonderful grandma is doing worse. They are not talking about surgery for her fractured hip, but hospice. This makes me very, very sad. Okay, she's 96, but I want her to live! Yes, she's had a great life. Many of my most happy childhood memories are from when I would visit her each summer. She would spoil me (relative term, we were dirt poor, so she bought me new school clothes) and love me up!

I know I keep anonymous, but here's a picture of me and Grandma last year at her 95 birthday party.


Please pray for her, that she find peace (oops, I typed peach the first time!).

Please also take a moment to think about/call/thank the women in your life who bring/brought you joy.

Jem

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Next Beta...

Results are in: 358 - coming down (finally!)

Take that, ectopic pregnancy!

Next beta scheduled for Saturday. Hopefully we'll have it come WAY down.

***

Other news: my 96-year-old grandma fell yesterday and fractured her clavicle and her hip. She's in tremendous pain. Please send good, healing thoughts her way.

Jem

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Mr. Jem's business

This post is all about Mr. Jem and his man-business.

Two years ago when we started TTC Mr. Jem had his first SA. The doctor's first question when the results came in where, "Has Mr. Jem had any chemotherapy?" The answer was "No, why?" His response: "Because there are virtually no sperm in the sample."

Yes, dear readers, the results were that bad. 100 thousand swimmers. Too little to check morphology. Bad, especially as 25 million are the minimum amount to be considered normal.

Mr. Jem was in a sucky job and tho we had "pulled the goalie" he wasn't really in a good place to even talk about having a baby until Summer 2009. He retested. 600K.

The Diagnisis: Male Factor Infertility. The treatment: IVF with ICSI.

We had been doing acupuncture as soon as we decided to do IVF. The acupuncture clinic didn't really take his low count very seriously. They had him on special vitamins, Chinese herbs and only did acupuncture right before the SA. They (and our RE, Dr. W) said: "It only takes one sperm." Well, actually, it takes more than that!

The week before ER, his SA came back with zero sperm.

***Sounds of tires screeching to a halt***

Because of this, he had a testicular biopsy the day of retrieval to get sperm for the IVF with ICSI. After cutting into both sacs they were able to extract enough to fertilize my eggs AND freeze some for next time, if necessary. The silver lining from all this is that Mr. Jem found a urologist he really trusts.

Since the IVF, the urologist, who I call Dr. Johnson, did blood work on Mr. Jem. Mr. Jem had low testosterone. His FSH was normal. The way Dr. J. described it was, "The brain is sending the signal to the factory, but the factory isn't making any sperm."

In December Mr. Jem's Free Testosterone was 35, well below normal. Dr. Johnson put him on Test.im. After 4 weeks, Mr. Jem's level rose to 75, within normal. Dr. Johnson switched him over to Clom.id for two reasons: 1) to produce more better sperm so we can see if we can get PG naturally (we are MFI, after all, and if we can avoid another IVF cycle, that would be WONDERFUL) and 2) there's a generic equivalent to Clom.id (unlike with Test.im) so it costs $35 instead of $200 per month.

There are also other medical benefits of a normal testosterone level: it protects bone density, protects against heart disease, can help him lose weight and gain muscle mass, as well as raise his libido (always good!). Mr. Jem's sex drive has always been lower than mine, which has been the source of a lot of conflict over the 11 years that we have been together.

So, with the addition of Clom.id and more testosterone, I hope Mr. Jem's energy, libido and sperm count climb.

I just wish that Dr. W had told us to see the Urologist BEFORE we started IVF. He didn't. He said, "Don't bother." I disagree and urge all of you who are MFI to make sure you check out all the options. Oh, and freeze sperm when you get the chance, rather than relying on getting a good sample the week before retrieval. If I could spare anyone the heartache and worry of that, I will have done my job here.

I'd love to hear anyone else's (or DH's) experience trying to increase sperm count. What did you/he take? How did it work?

Jem

Monday, February 1, 2010

Beta #7

HCG = 384, still going up. Ugghh. Dr. W says it's too early for it to be coming down. It should come down by Wednesday, so I'll have another beta on Wednesday. Fun!

Tomorrow: I will post an update on Mr. Jem and our working on treating his MFI.

Again, thanks for all the support. I'm feeling okay, not great, but okay.

Jem