Monday, January 18, 2010

Beta #2

Dr. W called while I was at Whole Paycheck. Not good news, to quote him. My HCG went down to 17. I'm to stop all meds.

I'm sure I could have been pulled over during my drive home for driving under the influence of tears. Not a pretty sight.

Fuck. Game over, again.

Can't even think about next steps right now, just want to curl in a ball and cry.

Jem

46 comments:

Brooke said...

I am so very sorry.

Stacie said...

Oh, Jem. I am wrapping my arms around you and crying too. I am just so, so sorry. Sending love to you.

~S said...

Oh, no. I'm so very, very sorry. It's all so unfair. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. *hugs*

Heather said...

Oh Jem I am so sorry. I know there are no words to adequately describe how awful this is. I wish there was something I could say to take some of the pain away. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that I'm walking this path right beside you.

Take care.

Tiffany said...

Jem, I'm so sorry. This is so unfair. I am all choked up for you. We are dealing with severe MFIF too and it's just so hard. I'm so sorry.

Mad Hatter said...

Oh, Jem, I am so so sorry. Sending you my thoughts and love and hugs.
Love,
Maddy

Brandy said...

Oh no, I am so so so sorry for you! Take care of yourself!

www.brandysheaif.blogsot.com

Noelle said...

I am so sorry. Your grief is completely understandable. There are no words.

AMC said...

I am so sorry. Love to you.

sprogblogger said...

Oh god, I am so very sorry. Thinking of you.

Jules a.k.a. Julie said...

I'm so very sorry. Hugs...

Poppet said...

I'm so sorry, my Dearest Jem. Hugs and kisses and more love from NJ.

Rain Child said...

Oh Jem, I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you!


p.s. nearly choked on my water when I saw "Whole Paycheck"....never heard it called that before.

K said...

I send love, strength, peace, and the free flow of tears. Let them out. I just went through this in December, and it's heartbreaking.

♥♥♥

jenicini said...

So sorry Jem. I'm thinking of you.

Illanare said...

I'm so,so sorry. It's so unfair.

SecretSisterhood said...

Oh man :( I was really pulling for you. So very sorry.

Melissa G said...

Shit Jem, I'm so sorry.

Tracey said...

That sucks, I'm so sorry.
Forgive me for sharing - i swear I'm not trying one-up you, but I've had a similar experience that I hope you can get something out of. After my 2nd IVF, our first beta came back at 15. They told us that usually numbers that low did not end up in successful pregnancy but we were hopeful. Two days later, my beta had more than doubled to 39, followed by a third that came in at 105. We were excited and an ultrasound was scheduled to see if there was a sac. There wasn't. It was horrible. I walked around for almost 2 weeks thinking I was pregnant and i wasn't. I tell you all of this to tell you that if it was going to end up this way, appreciate that you know early so that you can get off the emotional roller coaster ASAP. I know you're in a lot of pain - you had it in your sights! Right there! A positive beta! And then not. It sucks. And it will take time to get over.
I have no idea if my story is hopeful. We're now 7 weks pregnant after IVF #5. On one hand we're pregnant, yay. On the other it took 5 times which is out of reach for many (also for us had it not been for insurance). Take from it what you can.
I'm so sorry and hope that the pain eases soon.

nutsinmay said...

Oh no. I am so sorry. Damn, but this sucks. Thinking of you.

ventingvagina said...

oh no. i'm so very sorry! hugs.

egghunt said...

oh jem, I've been away from blogging the past few days so am just catching up on your rollercoaster of a few days. I'm so sorry, theres no words to take away your pain, its just f**king terrible news. Hope you have a nice comfy bed to curl up in, and stay there as long as you need to honey. Sending you the biggest hug ever. x

'Murgdan' said...

Fuuuuuuuuuck. I'm so so sorry.

Jendeis said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. This sucks.

lowfatlady said...

I'm so sorry. That really sucks.

callmemama said...

I'm. so. so. sorry

suchagoodegg said...

*$#*#$&*#&t. I'm so so so sorry Jem.

BelowAverageAthlete said...

Really Really Really Sucks. I am thinking about you and take care.

Pie said...

Fuck. I'm sorry Jem. Fuck.

Leslie said...

I am so so sorry! I wish there was something I could say to help make it easier but I understand that there is nothing as it will take time. Please know that I am thinking of you.....

One Who Understands said...

Totally sucks! I am so sorry. Wish there was something I could do.

Fertility Chick said...

I am so so sorry. Thinking about you here too.

irrationalexuberance said...

Damn. This is beyond horrible. So sorry.

Mrs Bee said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry.
Sending you lots of love and hugs.

tishi said...

so sorry, my thoughts are with you!!

mommyinwaiting said...

Oh NO! I am so sorry. I have no words which can help, so just know you are in my thoughts.

Circus Princess said...

Oh no :( I'm so very sorry. And angry. Pardon me while I swear and shake my fist.
Big hugs to you!

Nicole said...

Jem I'm so sorry. So so so sorry. I can't believe how long this road can be- I just don't know how a person is supposed to be able to handle it. I hope you and Mr. Jem can find some inkling of feeling better soon. I'm so heartbroken for you, Hun :(

IF Optimist, then... said...

Oh Jem honey, my heart is broken for you. There are no good words, sorry is paltry. Just know that we are all here to support you during this horrible time with love and hugs.

Aunt Becky said...

I'm so very sorry. Sending you love and light.

TeeJay said...

Oh, honey. I'm so very sorry. This sucks beyond belief.

Trinity said...

Oh, no... I'm so very sorry, Jem. It's just not fair. Sending a hug...

Amanda said...

I am so sorry. (((hugs)))

Krissi said...

I'm so very sorry...I've been there through a chemical pregnancy--and I see from your history, so have you. Do you have any frozen left? Will you be doing another fresh cycle? I wish you all the luck in the world for the future.
Thanks for adding my site to your list! I've just added yours too!! Hang in there! ~mymiracles77 @ Stress Free Infertility

babyattheend said...

Oh! NO! I just caught up with your last few posts... I was so excited to read them, and then this one... I'm so sorry, Jem. I can't believe this! I'm sending you lots of warmth... this sucks! And don't worry about the next steps right now, take care of yourself first.

C said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie. It's so unfair. Thinking of you during this very difficult time.

((HUGS))