Friday was crap, more crap with a little whipped cream and cherry on top.
The crap: I got my period.
More crap: I got a cold.
Whipped cream and cherry on top: I had a wonderful session with my therapist, Rose. Caught her up on our IF saga. Used up half a box of tissues telling her of my two IVF transfers, one fresh, on frozen. Of my two chemical pregnancies. Of my wallowing in self-pity, my self-blame (where she didn't want me to go. At all). Of my deep sorrow.
She then said, "Jem, you were pregnancy. Your body was pregnant. It registered this pregnancy in your body. You lost two babies. You are morning these losses. What have you and Mr. Jem done as a ritual to say goodbye to these babies?"
My answer: "We haven't done anything."
Tears just flowed down my face, as they do right now as I type these words.
I brought it up with Mr. Jem. We want to have some sort of ceremony, light candles, say prayers, something to honor these little souls that were not brought into our lives. We want to show how we lived them, how we miss them. We want to recognize how they would have been welcome here, but it was not there time.
What have you done to mourn your loss(es)? What rituals have you done? Do you have remembrance charms for a necklace? Please share your stories and/or ideas.