Thursday, January 28, 2010

Calm before the storm?

I feel really good today. So glad to have resolved the ectopic, or at least made a decision and taken action. I don't know what the next couple of weeks will bring. Dr. W said to expect my HCG to go up on Sunday, but then come back down after that. Also, cramping is not uncommon. Oh, joy!

Yesterday on the way to the appointment I listened to the Hope_for_Haiti_Now album. Jennifer_Hudson's version of Let_It_Be is so beautiful, made me cry, put everything in perspective. I feel so lucky to have a job I love, be married to a sweet, funny man. I have a roof over my head, food to eat. I have two charming cats to love me. I have a close family who support me.

A peace has descended on me again. I feel I can focus on my work. I'm even planning travel for work down to So Cal for the week of Feb 8th. As a bonus, I'm hoping to see a college friend, fellow IF'er, who is PG after her IVF (but multiple IUIs and miscarriages). Other bonus: I can avoid going to her baby shower, which I'm not sure I can handle. One-on-one, yes. A bunch of fertiles fawning over my friend, not so much.

***

Mr. Jem and I are planning a ritual to say goodbye to our embies for tomorrow at sundown, along with our sabbath ritual. There is a wonderful collection of Jewish-based rituals online here, if you are so inclined.

I definitely want to mark this moment. I am thinking of also getting some jewelry to remember them by. I loved all the ideas you all sent.

Thank you all again for all the love and support.

13 comments:

Priscilla said...

I'll be thinking about you. Glad you have found some peace...hope it lasts. ((HUGS))

Oh PS. I hear ya about the baby shower!! Glad you're not putting yourself through that!!

lis said...

thinking of you still and so glad you found some peace in all of this. grief does not run a straight line, as i am learning, and all those positives you listed will help you through the hard times.
i ended up being the girl crying at my best friend's baby shower. it was more because her mom had died and wasn't able to be there, but for any reason, you DO NOT want to be the infertile girl crying at the baby shower. i successfully avoided many before that and i will continue to do so. i totally agree that it is tough no matter what the situation.

Heather said...

I've been thinking of you. I'm glad you are finding peace in things. It took me awhile to get to that point myself, but once I got there I felt better.

Hope you have a nice visit with your friend. Take care.

Jendeis said...

Thanks for the site. I got the book that these are from soon after my miscarriage and have found it to be such a comfort.

KuKd Chick said...

Thing of you and glad you're finding some peace at this time. I think saying a ritual goodbye is such a good thing. I was a late bloomer in realizing I needed to be more...um...ritualistic about KuKd-related losses. I'm getting it now though.

addingtothepack said...

I am glad you have peace today. I am glad you've found some good rituals. I hope they bring you additional peace.

PCOStory said...

Hang in there. We are thinking of you

Noelle said...

I am so glad that you have found peace today. I am glad that you have resolved the ectopic. I am thinking about you.

I was so relieved to read your post, and hear how good you sound.

IF Optimist, then... said...

Oh Jem honey, I'm just catching up here and am sorry to hear about the ectopic. What a nightmare, but at least you were at a good clinic that was monitoring you. Did they do a SHG test on you before your IVF cycle to make sure you don't have any problems with fluid spillage from the tubes? Just something worth asking. I loved your comment about looking at the bright side for the chemical and ectopic. At least the embryos are good enough to try their best to implant. After my chemical, they made sure I took baby aspirin for IVF #2. Sending lots of hugs and hope that you are feeling better every day.

Brooke said...

Glad to hear you are feeling okay... I hope Monday's appointment goes well enough, too. I will be thinking of you guys at sundown - I hope your goodbye ritual / Sabbath brings you peace and comfort.

egghunt said...

Oh my gosh Jem, I've been away for a few days and missed your eptopic preg news. I'm so sorry hon. It sounds like you are doing so much better now that you have an explantion for the craziness. You are one tough cookie, and don't you forget it. Look forward to hearing about your farewell ritual. Big hugs.

C said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

((HUGE HUGS))

hopingforababy said...

A trip is a great idea! Thinking of you and so glad to hear you're feeling better.