Friday, October 2, 2009

The wrong kind of 2WW

I should be starting stimming today. Instead, my two week wait will mean getting back on the Pill for 10 days and start start stimming in two weeks, on Oct 16. In the meantime, we're still discussing doing the genetic testing.

I'm disappointed not to be starting IVF (for real) and having to put it off. And I'm also a bit relieved to wait two weeks. I have a lot going on - charity golf event on Oct 11 that I have been working on (the charity part) for months.

Plus, I'm scared the IVF won't work. If we haven't started yet, we haven't failed yet. Of course, the inverse is true, too. We haven't gotten pregnant, either. I'm pretty darn scared of both - scared of a failed IVF AND scared of actually getting knocked up.

Ambivalent. But still moving forward.

Question for you all: What do you have mixed feelings about?



Pie said...

Oh, I'm sorry you've been delayed. It is so frustrating.

jenicini said...

Sometimes I feel like a bag of tossed salad filled with excitement, dread, sorrow, hope, nerves, ambivalence...the list goes on. Today I'm happy that my estrogen numbers are in the correct range as that was a problem during my last cycle. But at the same time, I'm truly scared that the next step will be the one that takes this cycle down.

Although you've been delayed, I'm glad that there will be some positives about it. Keep your head up!

Poppet said...

Working. I've been a stay-at-home Mom for many years and it is time to reenter the workforce (or else I may never be able to).

I want to, and I don't.

It's overwhelming!

Illanare said...

Starting IVF soon - the drugs, the stress, the money against the ultimate outcome of positive pregnancy test
A positive pregnancy test - hey, the drugs, the stress and the money was worth it but - what if I lost that one as well?
It's all just a jumble, isn't it?!

Trying Teeny said...

I'm going through an emotional roller coaster.I'm kind of scared or is it just my emotions.My hubby is in Afghanistan and his buddys are in a safe place just waiting for me to use them.
Am I doing the right thing?-what if it doesn't work. Hope my husband is going to be okay while I'm on this roller coaster.(and I dislike roller coasters)
I know my husband and I have been waiting to be on this roller coaster for a long time.I never thought that it would be so hard to go through this by myself. I want my husband to see my emotional ups and downs but he just gets to hear it while we are on the phone. There he is in a place where no one would ever want to be and here I am laughing and crying on the phone,its hard to stay focused when your husband is in danger.
Yes, Jem I also have mixed feelings and I know my mixed feelings are a different kind of mixed feelings then your feeling but in the end we all want the same thing,so I wish you all the best and hope that all goes your way.

edenland said...

Dear Jem,

Thank you so much for your lovely comment on my last post. It was hard to write it out ... and your support really made me feel better. Thanks heaps.

.... And, as for the roller coaster of IVF, mate I'm so sorry you've been delayed. It's scary and exhilerating, doing IVF. Right at the beginning ... full of hope at the possibilites, horror at the possibilities!

Wishing you a sh*tload of love and support, as you navigate this next bit. IVF is called the Big Guns of fertility treatments for a very good reason!

Eden XO

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean about being frustrated but relieved at the same time... if you aren't cycling, you can't fail... it's a weird dichotomy, but perfectly understandable. I hope the next two weeks goes fast for you and that once the show gets on the road, there's no stopping you until 10 months from now when baby joins the Jem family!

Anonymous said...

Mixed feelings about people who were very close to me - my sister, my best friend etc, who are fully aware of what is going on and how this is the hardest time of my life and they can't be bothered to call or drop an email. Not sure how I will feel towards them going forward. Its sad.

Anonymous said...

I am very nervous about IVF, and we aren't even there yet. I think I most worried about how I will handle it all if IVF doesn't work. Like you, it's a strange dichotomy that I live in. I look forward to following your journey, as it is something I will be going through (most likely) in less than 4 months. I hope it all works out for you!

irrationalexuberance said...

Drat -- I'm super sorry about the delay and totally sympathize. We had to wait a month (Sep) b/c all of a sudden the lab was closed for 3 weeks when we kinda needed it open. Grrrr. I'm also just about to start my first IVF later this month (2wks from today) and feel the same way -- I'm nervous as all hell because I am putting so much of my hope into this procedure, yet scared that it won't work, and scared that it will, and... well, you get it.
Incidentally, we also spent 2008 (my 38th year) in complete denial. It was kinda fun while it lasted...

Pie said...

I've given you an award over on my blog - c'mon by and check it out!