Wednesday, October 28, 2009

ER eve

"Twas the night before retrieval
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Why? 5:45 a.m. pre-op prep for the spouse."

Yes, we are both going under the knife tomorrow.
Mr. Jem at 6:30 a.m. and me at 8:30 a.m.

In today's donation, they did find sperm (yay!!) The found 7 very healthy swimmers in the small small part of the total sample that they examined. We only need enough sperm to fertilize the 20 eggs they foresee harvesting tomorrow. All the same, Mr. Jem chose to have the biopsy tomorrow to find more just in case the little swimmers don't make it over night.

The hardest thing about this process has been having to make snap decisions that have such consequence. Quick, select a donor and have donor sperm shipped to the clinic! Quick, decide: biopsy or not? Dr. Wonderful had the gall to be inpatient with us this afternoon. As if I could care about the scheduling of his staff. Everything feels so rushed and last minute.

I just wish we had seen the urologist months ago, but Dr. (now-not-so-)Wonderful said in our initial visit, "You don't have to go to a urologist. IVF with ICSI is your only way of getting pregnant." This was back when the sperm count was a low 500,000. That's why we were so shocked last Friday to be told, "We found zero sperm." I have to let the resentment towards Dr. W go, as he'll be performing my surgery tomorrow. Nice Dr. Wonderful. I love you Dr. Wonderful! (Do I sound convincing?)

I really take my hat off to Mr. Jem for being so courageous. He chose to have surgery because he wants to do everything humanly possible to have this work, with both our DNA. It's totally what I want, too. I used to think, donor sperm? No problem. I'm still cool with donor sperm, but only as a last option, if there's no way to have Mr. Jem's guys. Mr Jem said, "If I don't do the biopsy, and there's no sperm tomorrow, I would kick myself for not doing everything I could."

He is my hero.


Reading over my post, I realized I barely mentioned my own feelings about egg retrieval tomorrow. I have stuffed back my feelings. When we started this process I was super scared, even resentful of Mr. Jem that I had to go through all these procedures, take all these drugs and all he has to do is romance a cup.

I still have moments of resentment, especially this afternoon when I felt so bloated and even a bit faint (yes, I talked to my nurse and I'm hydrating with electrolytes). For the most part I am very grateful for Mr. Jem, and his love and support.

I do have moments of total fear and "I don't wanna!"

Right now I wanna go watch an episode of Entourage.



Anonymous said...

I am crossing my fingers for both of you tomorrow! I hope it all goes well!

Nicole said...

Awww.. I love DH's desire to do everything possible. See, he'd play your role in IVF if he could. That's what my DH tells me anyway. Too bad he can't, or at least share it 50/50! Then I even get the pregnancy pains, and labor pains, and nursing pains. But it all brings joy too so we do it. Oh, the things we do for kids! I hope the biopsy and ER go fabulous tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!

Circus Princess said...

Sending heaps and heaps of good thoughts for tomorrows retrieval and biopsy. In a way it's only fair that our hubsters get to play a bigger part than romancing a cup but at the same time it sucks that either one of you have to go through this.


Hopeful said...

Am thinking of you as you head off for the ER! We'll be doing it in anywhere under a week and your last comments about how you feel really resounded for me. I even read them outloud to my husband - I've literally told him at various points "I don't Wanna!"

Anonymous said...

It is interesting how husbands can shock you sometimes. When D had his two biopsies, I felt so guilty! He says, though, after everything since then, that I've paid my dues and we're ALMOST even. ;)

Sending you lots of good thoughts today! I hope they get lots and lots of beautiful eggs AND sperm!

Anonymous said...

Good luck this morning!

Kim said...

hope everything goes well for you both this morning! go spermies and go eggs!!!! cant wait to read how it went.

irrationalexuberance said...

Best of luck to you and your husband!

TeeJay said...

Best of luck today to you AND Mr. Jem. I think it's really brave of him to opt for the biopsy. It must be comforting to you to know that he is just as dedicated to this as you are. Hoping for a good post later today!

Pie said...

Well, I'm too late to tell you you'll be fine, so now I'll just say I hope it went smoothly. For both you and Mr. Jem.

Looking forward to your update!

Mad Hatter said...

Thinking of you both and hoping all goes very well today.

Anonymous said...

Good luck to both of you guys tomorrow!!!

Poppet said...

Fingers and toes crossed. We do a lot of things we never expected in our lives for the ones we love... you won't have any regrets and that is very important.

If Doctor Wonderful's staff has to come in at an odd hour TFB. I am pretty sure you are writing a hefty check (if not your insurance company is!) that he can put towards paid leave for them on a sunny Friday afternoon!

C said...

I hope everything is going well! Thinking of you and your husband!

WannabeMommy said...

Best of luck to you!!!

Fertility Chick said...

Fingers and toes are crossed for you! Both you and Mr. Jem are troopers!!!

Brandy said...

I hope everything went well for both of you! Crossing my fingers!

Anonymous said...

I hope everything went well!! On another note, I nominated you for a blog award.