Monday, January 17, 2011

IVF #3: Fert Report

Of the 28 eggs harvested yesterday, 22 were mature and all were fertilized via ICSI with Mr. Jem's fresh sample. This came as huge news to Mr. Jem who was having all kind of trouble with not being able to produce.

Of those 22 eggs, 11 were fertilized, exactly 50% fertilization percentage. I was a little bummed that our number isn't higher.

We are going to PGS testing of the chromosomes of the embies and are planning on a Day 5 Transfer this Friday.

Progesterone shots begin Tuesday.
This is where it gets hard-core, folks. I wasn't worried at all up until now. Now I feel a bit totally stressed. And worried. I so want the embies to be "normal" and for us to have enough of them. I've done everything humanly possible to make this work. Why do I feel depressed? Why can't I just be happy with Mr. Jem that about his being able to use the fresh sample? He's all happy and I just want to cry. I know I should be happy that 11 of our babies are dividing and growing in the lab. I know I have to send them happy, positive vibes across the bay... It might have to do with the fact that my tummy feels super heavy (minor OHSS) and I want to cry and crawl into a little whole and make all this crap just go away. I wonder if the est.race was making me all happy and now that I'm off it, bleh. 

Yes, I guess I do need a bit of a pep talk. I should be very happy with these results. Instead I just feel bleh.

~Jem

33 comments:

Circus Princess said...

That is simply fantastic news!!! You're probably emotional to an extent from the fact that it's now out of your hands and that you have to believe nature and medicine will work miracles. They will. I'm very excited for you!!

Michelle said...

I'm sorry you feel so sad. The hormones or lack-there-of I'm sure is the reason for your mood.

But..Amazing news, great fert. report, great news that no testicular probing was required for sperm!

I am super positive & hopeful for you. Let us be your cheerleaders till the hormones even out a bit :)

*hugs*

Allison said...

JEM!!! You're doing GREAT!! I'm so amazed that you have 11 fertilized with Mr. Jem!! That is HUGE news!

Perhaps it's all just catching up to you now - the cycle, the worry, the emotions, the hormones, the general IF bullshit? Take your time to work through this, and do something relaxing for YOU (do I hear mani/pedi?).

(((hugs))) Jem. You are AWESOME and I am keeping EVERYTHING crossed for you!

Lulu said...

the results are great!!! 11 is an awesome number!!

However, you can't really do much to make yourself feel happy if you don't. Of course you're sad. You're riddled with hormones and you're stressed. Just try to take deep breaths and take it one day at a time.

Trinity said...

Oh, Jem--this is such a good update! 11 is freakin' awesome! Really!

I can relate to this feeling of disappointment though--a combination of worry and doubt and higher expectations and wack drugs. Here's the thing, and I hate to sound cliche: but it just takes the one, my friend, and I offer that trite piece of assvice from my own personal experience

You have weathered this cycle with so much grace, and I wish you all the strength and courage that you need to get through this last leg. And we're all behind you and Mr. Jem and your embies, root-root-rooting you all along!

Big hugs!

Melissa G said...

Oh Jem, I'm sorry you're feeling down right now. It seems really common to hit a lull after all the big stuff happens.

But really 11 embies is great! And I'm sending all sorts of great vibes over to the lab for excellent news on the PGS.

Crossing EVERYTHING for you!!!

Cherbear said...

OMG 11 is great!!! Please don't be disappointed in yourself or the doctors or anyone, this is perfect.

"C'mon get HAPPY!! A whole lotta lovin is what your embies will be bringin'....to make you HAPPPPY!!!"

"Don't worry, be happy"

and "Put on a happy face!!"

those are all the happy songs that come to mind right now. Modified for you, of course ;)

Jenni said...

Pep talk follows:

11 is great! you're actually happy, you're just scared and nervous at the same time. plus - hormonal. All signs point to Yay!

Jill said...

I think it sounds great! You're all pumped full of hormones, don't be hard on yourself for feeling down. Hopefully your circle+bloom will do wonders for your mood and I hope your little ones keep going strong!

One Who Understands said...

Great news about Mr. Jem's men! Sorry that 11 embies are all that is left. I still think that sounds pretty fabulous! And wow to 28 eggs!! Try to focus on the positive and let your body rest. It just ran a fertility marathon that isn't over yet. Hoping you get all normal embies! Love and Hugs my darling!

Poppet said...

I don't know anything about this at all, unlike everyone else here. BUT I do know that women have a tendency to mourn in advance, in a misguided hope of preventing disappointment later.

Be good to yourself. This is something to celebrate! Of those 11 you only need *1* to make a happy first grade girl in curly pig tails or a happy 2 year old boy singing in a bath tub.

Sending you love and hope. It's MLK day - you have a dream too, dammit! And I believe it will come true.

Adele said...

After the hormonal rollercoaster you've been on (and are still riding) it's not surprising that you're feeling a bit bleh. I know this is a scary wait. But 11 is a lovely number for PGS - there is so much possibility in that number. Crossing everything for you.

The C's said...

Keep hope alive! It's a balancing act - so many emotions, what ifs and preparing for what's next.
This is great news! Like they say it only takes one!
Take Care of you! Sending lots of positive vibes and sticky dust for a BFP!
The C's

nutsinmay said...

It IS stressful. You HAVE been pumped full of vast amounts of hormones. The results of all this are so important and life-changing. Of COURSE you want to hide away and cry. It's excellent news, very very excellent (hurrah for the fresh sample) but it's all been very hard work and it's still not over. Be gentle with yourself. Have a hug.

gingerandlime said...

11 is great! Hurray for you and for Mr. Jem.

But that being said, you're in the middle of a marathon here...don't think for a minute that there is any way you "should" be feeling. You have been through the wringer and back, and it's understandable that you would have ambivalence about this stage (and all others).

You're doing great.

lowfatlady said...

I think that 11 is a great number. you have done all the hard stuff, and only have the easy part left. Fingers crossed for the genetic testing part.

IF Optimist, then... said...

I know that it is hard Miss Jem, but keep up the good thoughts as much as you can. I think the reason you are feeling this way is that there is a lot of fear and hope bubbling up inside and they get into a big scrambley cat fight in your insides. Try to breathe. Try to find little ways to calm your soul. When my embies were cooking away, I would meditate and try to send them positive energy. In my mind I would drive the exact route, walk into the office and then the lab and whisper how much they are loved and wanted. By the time I was done, my heart would be a bit calmer. Keeping all good thoughts in my heart for you all. OXXO -Traci

Marissa said...

OMG he got live sperm?!?! That's awesome, sweetie!

I know you wish you had more than 11 to play with, and I can truly understand. I wish you had 11,000. But you've got enough to do PGS. If only 1/4 of them are normaly, you can still transfer 2-3.

I support self-pity along this journey, but do know that fresh sperm is better than frozen, and you *got* that! Here's to hoping you have lots of normal embryos!

COME ON BABY said...

Awwww sorry you are sad honey.

I am crossing my fingers for your embies.

Hang in there sweetie we are all here for you in internet land.

xoxoo

Jessica said...

Coming out of lurking to let you know that I am keeping all of my fingers crossed for you. You have been such an inspiration as I walked down my own path of dealing with IF. To honor you I am giving you a blog award, stop by my blog to take a look.

erika said...

Oh, Girl! reading your post reminded to my own miserable myself from couple of days ago. I must believe the hormones are putting us on this loop.
Your results are great! 11 embies are amazing!!! I am so happy to hear about fertilization going nicely with the fresh sample.
I am thinking about you, and sending you super positive and cheering vibes! you will come out of this. IVF is a bit too much to get through, don't blame yourself.
I will try to make a drawing for you of the PIO position.
Chins up!

'Murgdan' said...

So excited for your 11! Hang in there. This stuff is all one day at a time.

Katie said...

11 is a GREAT number. Hang in there, sweetie. I know you are stressed and you have tons of hormones racing through you, but just think - you are almost at the finish line. We're all running alongside you and cheering!

<3

Heather said...

Hang in there. We are all cheering for your 11 rock stars!

jill said...

Wonderful news! Thinking of you and Mr. Jem and your 11 little ones. :)

TeeJay said...

I know you are a bit disappointed in things, and that's ok. We all have those moments, even when we know we probably should be happy. All of us out here are very happy for you and Mr. Jem. I'm keeping everything crossed for you guys. Let's hope that your 11 are the blessing of 2011 that you have waited for for so long!

callmemama said...

I think those are great results! I'm sure it's hard to just sit and wait now...but hang in there, you're doing great!

linda said...

Even if a 50% fert rate, 11 is a fabulous number to walk away with. Keep sending them growing energy!!!!

Fingers crossed for a great PGD report!

Priscilla said...

Fingers crossed over here!!! I really feel for your about all the anxiety and stress this process creates. Hang in there!! I'll be thinking about you!

Brandy said...

Your numbers look amazing to me! And I'm so glad you were able to use his fresh sample. Awesome news. I know it's hard not to get down about everything. Just know there are lots of people rooting for you and sending many happy thoughts to your embies!

www.brandysheaif.blogspot.com

Kakunaa said...

It's overwhelming, and hard to be positive with so much riding on the outcome. I think what you are feeling is totally normal. But still, 11 embies is amazing. Good luck with the testing!!!

ventingvagina said...

i am seriously so impressed! woohoo! good luck tomorrow! you'll be PUPO very very soon! can't wait to hear about it!

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