Thursday, January 20, 2011

Greed is not good (updated)

Following up on my last post...

Here's the email I ended up sending after getting an email from my step-dad this morning asking if he could set up a payment plan with the clinic.

Dear Step-dad:

The total cost of our IVF cycle will be $17,360. Mr. Jem's have sent us a check for one-third the cost. We had to put the full amount on our Visa card which will be due Feb 1st. The "payment plan with the clinic" ship unfortunately has sailed. We would have had to ask about that in December. I don't believe it's possible; we were told, check or credit card only.

I won't ask you for a specific amount or tell you when to send it. That puts me in a poop situation. Please just feel free to give what you can, when (and if) you want. No further negotiation or discussion is needed. Mr. Jem and I are both appreciative of anything you give. While we need help, we don't expect any and were touched when you offered.

I don't think I was clear about my needs earlier. I needed you to tell me either: "Jem, we can give $X." or "Sorry, I thought we could do it, but ..." and not drag this on.

This whole situation is now completely stressing me out, especially the part with mom calling me at work to tell me she will sell her car and how she's worried about you not being able to retire. Not realistic or helpful.

So, what I need right now are two things:
  1. Clarity from you as soon as possible. Again, please just feel free to give what you can, when and if you want, and just let me know your plans.
  2. I want the tension to be gone between us so I can concentrate on more important things, like creating a welcoming, healthy, stress-free womb for my babies who are coming home tomorrow!
I need you right now during this difficult time. Your support, whether it is emotional, financial, musical, gardening, golf or fishing-related is greatly appreciated. Always.

I love you., Jem

So, what do you think?
Now I'm washing my hands of this. My babies need me, dammit!!!!

Update: He already wrote me back saying he wants to contribute $500 per month. But then he put it back on me to say for how long... argggg!! I'm grateful and mad all at the same time.

I have to put this behind me, get back to work and leave on time, make my acupuncture appoint and get all zen for tomorrow's transfer.


JNS said...

Perfect, you did great! Will be interesting to see if you get anything, but now you can just focus on much more important matters like preparing for transfer.

Kakunaa said...

You did what you needed to do. Tell him as long as he feels comfortable as it is his gift to you and there is no pressure involved. Now go make a happy uterus :) Good luck tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

I thought your email was very good - clear, without being all "gimme, gimme". I really hope he does contribute, since he did tell you he would and you were counting on it!

Jill said...

I can totally see how that whole situation would be stressful. Your email was good and you were very clear. Sorry he put you on the spot again.

Go get zen and grow those babies!!

Marissa said...

I think you handled this perfectly. Money can be very stressful, family can be very stressful, and the two combined are a powder keg!

If you're feeling snarky, I'd reply, "Well, $500 a month till the baby--or babies--are done with college would suffice. Unless you have other plans."

If you're feeling polite, I'd sit down with your husband, figure out how much you need (and factor in the interest from your credit card!), and tell him "X months".

I'm eagerly awaiting your PGS results!!!

Your womb rocks, she's very zen, very welcoming. She's got food and beverages and entertainment all ready to go!

JNS said...

If he could give you $500 a month from now until the end of the year, that would be 1/3 of the cost, and that way each party contributes 1/3. Sounds fair to me.

Allison said...

That was fantastic, Jem. And at least you know what they're thinking, even if the term isn't set.

Right now, you breathe and think happy thoughts for those babies. GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!!!

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to wish you tons of luck on your transfer this morning!! Try and relax for a couple of days and then take this issue back up.

Happy ICLW!! I hope this is a lucky month for you!

Sarah said...

I can't beleive he put it back on you again! It's just so frustrating. At least he came up with an amount each month. That will at least let you know you can make that payment each month.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you and those sweet little embryos!


Anonymous said...

I think that is a great letter. I am sorry your a bit annoyed again by his response. I would tell him that you don't have a set time that you will not need the money anymore and that it's up to him and tell him how long a normal cycle is. Good luck.

Rochelle said...

Take some deep breaths. You wrote an amazing email and I hope that you can put this behind you very soon. Wishing you the best of luck that this will be the last time you have to think about paying that much!

Sushigirl said...

Good luck for your cycle, and well done on clarifying things with your family

Aramelle said...

Sorry that you're having to deal with this financial stress. It is aggravating when a person won't just tell you what you need to know already!

I hope that your transfer went well this morning!

(Here from ICLW)

Mrs. Misfits said...

You did perfectly fine. Now out of your mind while you focus on a welcoming womb.

Taminar said...

It's a tough situation, but I think your email sounds great. Good luck with everything!

ICLW #104