As of yesterday I officially give up. I totally surrender. I'm waving the white flag. I don't have any symptoms except sore b00bs, but I've had those since even before stimming as I was on Estr.ace forever.
Last IVF cycle I was sure it was going to work and couldn't believe it was a straight forward BFN. This time I have had a positive outlook until yesterday. I just can't take it any more. I want my life back. I want my brain back, not this thing that has been entirely hijacked by IF, IVF, shots, hormones, you name it. I'm just so tired of it all. I have done all I can. Okay, I kinda messed up my meds (forgot to take my Fol.gard + dexa-whatever one day and then took too much the next - no big deal). Our PIO shots are going really well, which is different from the other times. I haven't used ice, just massage after the shot. My body is accepting this method much better. Oh, and I forgot to tell you all that I am also doing progesterone/estrodiole suppositories vaginally at night. Fun.
I just feel so tired and worn down by this process. As I was walking to my train last night I said to myself, "I give up. I can't even think of this anymore." Then what happened? Some homeless man starts yelling "Vagina!" at the top of his voice over and over. Perfect. I can't escape this, can I? (Actually it made me laugh, which helped.)
Monday is Beta day. I've requested the day off work. I'll draw the blood in the morning and then Mr. Jem and I want to go to the coast and take walks on the beach, maybe go to Golden.Gate park to a museum. In his words, "we need to celebrate the process no matter what the outcome."
I know I would be a basket-case if I tried to work that day.
Looking back at my previous cycles I see that this is the point where I "cry uncle."
Why is this so g-d damn hard?