Sunday, November 1, 2009

Day 3 report

Dr. Wonderful called this morning.

"More good news, Jem. Of your 9 embryos, 5 are excellent, 1 very good, 2 fair/good, 1 poor.

"This means we won't do the transfer today, but will do it on Tuesday. I feel very optimistic about having two great blasts to transfer on Tuesday, but we'll just see how it goes. We'll freeze the rest on Day 6."

I asked him the actual classification of the embryos and he blew me off, which was a little annoying. "All you need to know is that 5 are excellent, excellent."

OK. I guess.

In any case, we are very, very happy with this news.


Other good news, I lost a little of my water weight today. I still super bloated. I feel more mentally "with it" today, which is good, as I've been in a bit of a hormonal fog. I'm even planning to take a quick walk around my little neighborhood this morning. Yesterday I was supposed to drive into San Francisco to have an abdominal massage, but Dr. Wonderful ixnay'ed that, as I'm so bloated. Plus, it would have been a total hassle with the Bay Bridge closed. I was happy to spend the day relaxing and watching TV and cuddling with Mr. Jem and the cats.

Mr. Jem is still in pain. He's been icing the family jewels since Thursday. Poor guy. It was clearly worth it for him to go through the biopsy, given his low sperm count.

Definitely worth it. It's still a bit surreal. Our babies are growing in a petri dish just 15 minutes drive from our house. Tuesday they will be in my body. It brings tears to my eyes to think about it. I've been avoiding thinking about it because I can't stand the thought of losing them, of this whole process not working.

When I was a child, an only child, my mother used to tell me about how she had a dream that I was calling down from heaven, telling her to go off birth control so I could come down to be part of her family. As much as I've meditated, prayed, talked about wanting a child, as an IF'er, I'm afraid to ask too much from the heavens, afraid to hope too much, afraid to have my heart broken. I'm also afraid I don't want this enough, as absurd as that sounds. Why haven't I had that dream? Does that mean it's not destined to happen to me? Of course, my grandma had my mom when she was 28, my mom had me when SHE was 28. I was single at 28.

How much does, "just because mom/grandma had this experience" count? My brain says, "not at all" because of the male factor IF. My heart cries out, "Everything! You're not going to have a child!" There's even a tiny part of me that blames Mr. Jem and his crappy sperm and crappy genes. Even though I had a bad taste in my mouth about using donor sperm if there was any chance we could use Mr. Jem's swimmers.

And then 5 minutes later I'm filled with hope and disbelief that this could be really happening. That pumping my body with hormones and cutting Mr. Jem in 6 different places - He's walking like a cow-boy! It's too cute - could really result in a little baby.

So many conflicting, painful, joyous, feelings.


Anonymous said...

YAY! Those are some great numbers. More than half of your embies are excellent?! That's really great. I am feeling the baby vibes for you.

Kim said...

wow congrats on the embies and a 5 day transfer!!! sorry to hear mr jem is in pain but it definitely sounds like it was all worth it.

Jendeis said...

Things are going well, and I'm praying that they continue to go well. Hope that Mr. Jem's pain subsides soon.

Sweetie, believe me, you want it enough. No one goes through what we go through because we don't want it.

Anonymous said...

Those are wonderful numbers, Jem! That's a lot to feel happy and hopeful about. I am sending you, Mr. Jem, and your embies lots of happy/healthy thoughts!!!

Nicole said...

Good numbers, and hooray for a day 5 ET!!! Yeah, the quick swinging up-down is exhausting, but you'll pull through!
And no, it absolutely does NOT mean anything if you haven't had a dream about your child, or aren't 28 anymore, just because that was the pattern for your momma/gma. Isn't is sad how IF makes us examine every tiny detail of our life with a microscope, trying to make predictions and get answers to our questions? Been there. AM there sometimes. Hate that.
And I hope your DH gets feeling better soon. Ouchie. Congrats again on the lab report! Keep swiggin' that gatorade :)

Circus Princess said...

Wow, that's excellent! I'm so excited for you Jem and can't wait to hear about the transfer. I'll be on my way out of the terrible 2WW hopefully with a big fat positive in spite of my resent spotting. when you enter your wait for the BFP :)

Pie said...

Great news, but I hate docs/nurses that won't tell you the facts or data. Excellent is not a medical term - tell me the cell count and grade! Grrr. (sorry for the rant - a big pet peeve of mine).

But it sounds like for all the pain and doubt, things are going well. I think its normal to have all of these conflicting emotions, especially given the hormones.

Keeping my fingers crossed for an uneventful transfer on Tuesday!

Anonymous said...

I just nominated you for an award on my blog...something to occupy you during the next few days! Have a great day!

WannabeMommy said...

Ah... I think the conflicting emotions are normal. It's just such an overwhelming process. But I am truly excited for your 5 "excellent" embies. :-))

C said...

Excellent numbers! I'm praying for you!!

Allison said...

Hi Jem! I noticed your comment to me and thought I'd wander over... and holy moly! You're in the middle of an exciting/scary/nerve-wracking time!

You (and Mr. Jem, poor guy!) are officially added to my list of prayers. Can't wait to hear how things go tomorrow.

Poppet said...

Tell Mr. Jem that no matter how many slices/dices/cuts he gets vaginal birth is worse trauma... I promise you and in a few months you'll get the agony of finding out how right I am! (fingers crossed, toes crossed and jewels... well, not crossed yet, we'll let him heal first!)

Hang in there Mr. Jem!!! Ice and TLC... (well, maybe lay off the "L" in TLC too!)

Jules said...

Congrats on the day three report! Grow embies! :-)