I had my second beta drawn this morning, to confirm my BFN. I've been continuing my meds (PIO, suppositories, dexo-whatever, Fol.gard, prenatals, baby asprin) "just in case" (ha!), but mostly to make sure I don't have an ectopic or some other nonsense. I'm sure they'll call me by 1p.m. again. I'll let you know.
On to more a fun topic: My BFN Therapy!
Step 2: Okay, my heart rate is totally elevated by the mocha and apple fritter double-whammy this morning. Yowza!
I shared with you our plans for Step 3 that include bottomless mimosas on Saturday. YUM!
Step 4 is equally fun, no, actually it's MORE fun. The weekend of Feb 19 we'll be coming into the City for Chinese New Year celebration for an all-expense-paid weekend. Free reception on Friday night, free tour of Chinatown, free viewing of the parade, free dinner on Saturday. Did I mention it's free? As in the hotel is paid for, etc. This is a long weekend, so we may stay Friday, Sat and Sunday nights. Considering our credit card bill is already close to $20 grand this month, this is a g-d send.
How cool is that?
On a less cool note, we talked to the in-laws and they just don't get it. They are very sweet, extremely generous people. However, my MIL is notorious for not listening or being particularly sensitive to other people's feelings. She's a very anxious person and tends to ask the same questions over an over. Last night she kept saying, "But you'll try again." and "Promise me you'll do another cycle." Mr. Jem kept saying over and over, "We're not at a place to determine next steps. We're still mourning our loss. Please don't ask this right now. We don't know what we want to do next. Please know that we will get you grandkids one way or another, we just don't know how." She ended up getting mad at him and dropping off the call.
Mr. Jem just forwarded me this, which sums up the situation:
We don't watch South.Park, but this is perfect.
I'll leave you on this happy note.
~Jem
P.S. Poppet, I don't normally call myself "barren" and (in)fertility does not define who I am entirely. It does a little tho. Okay, over the last couple of months it has. A lot. Frankly it's been all-consuming.
All I ask is you go kiss those wonderful kids of yours and count yourself as extremely fortunate. That goes for all of you out there who have little ones at home. You know how lucky you are, don't you?
Update:
The clinic just called and my second beta was also less than 1 so it's officially game over (not that I had any hope). On the bright side, at least I won't have to deal with metho.trexate injections and side-affects. Yipee!
Next step: set up phone WTF consult with Dr. Z. Oh, joy. I'm a little annoyed with Mr. Jem right now because he didn't want to set it up. He was all grumpy with me on the phone. Grrr.
Update:
The clinic just called and my second beta was also less than 1 so it's officially game over (not that I had any hope). On the bright side, at least I won't have to deal with metho.trexate injections and side-affects. Yipee!
Next step: set up phone WTF consult with Dr. Z. Oh, joy. I'm a little annoyed with Mr. Jem right now because he didn't want to set it up. He was all grumpy with me on the phone. Grrr.
14 comments:
Oh man, it is awful to get a BFN and then KEEP TAKING THE MEDS and have to go in to CONFIRM the BFN. That is its own torture for sure.
And Crap. I'm sorry I have a partner in the BFN party. I'll be having my own party this weekend which will consist of a hard run on Friday AND Saturday mornings, then liberal amounts of wine.
Just know, Jem I have learned SO much about myself and my life from your blog. I would never have spent so much time counting my blessings had I not been a daily reader of your journey. Whenever I really wallow in doubt and self-pity about not having a job or an identity outside of the home, I remember you and your struggles to have what I have...
But it goes both ways, as all-encompassing as being a parent is, I fall into the trappings of letting it be the *only* way I define myself and I wonder "why did I go to college anyway?" And getting a masters was really a waste of time. So much of my time is spent on the mundane - driving kids from place to place. But your blog has put a lot of it into perspective and I remember how lucky I am. I wish women could spend time getting to know each others' lives instead of judging ourselves - and one another.
But to me barren is a desert, dry and lonely. To me you are full of life, and sunshine, even if your womb isn't currently doing it's fair share of the work!
You give back so much by being so open. We all owe you for your honesty, humility and openness.
We haven't told my husband's family. They live out of state though. But my mom...yeah. She cried and cried and cried and I told her I couldn't talk about it anymore and she called me back within about 10 minutes! (I let it go to voicemail, as I did with all her other calls until last night.) It can be so frustrating. I know they're sad about the grandkids thing, but HELLO, we're talking our ACTUAL kids, and lives, and hormones, and and and...
Ah well. Chinese New Year sounds awesome!!!! (And free!)
I'm glad your therapy is so awesome. Doesn't make up for it, but hell, we're allowed some joy in our lives!
Ah shucks, Jem! Have a blast in the city...I know it definitely helps me to focus on other things other than the fertility stuff every once in awhile and have other things to look forward to. The whole OHSS syndrome thing/not being able to transfer our embryos for 8 weeks really threw me, but then I kept telling myself "hell, at least I can eat some shitty food for a few weeks!" Glad you enjoyed your coffee and fritter!
So sorry for your bfn and that you have to take another beta. I hope that you have an awesome weekend. That looks so fun.
I hope you have a fabulous weekend.
Hugs
Hooray for a free, fun weekend! I'm glad you have a plan to treat yourself. It's MORE than deserved.
Dude, MIL needs to chillax. This is about you and Mr. Jem, not so much about her.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am sorry to hear you have not had success with IVF. I'm glad you are my finding my thoughts useful. I definitely feel overwhelmed with this process and don't know what I am doing, but am happy if it helps others!
Ugh. She just doesn't get it. My MIL didn't either, but in a different way. She was the "just relax" and "it's not happening because you're worrying so much about it" person. Let's put the two of them in a room and see who emerges victorious?!
I just found you through B and wanted to just say I am sorry. This IF rollercoaster is the worst experience ever!!
Apple fritter + mocha + mimosas + a trip to NYC = a very good therapy plan indeed.
I'm sorry about your MIL. It's clear that she's dealing with her own disappointment but it's not the least bit fair to foist that on you. You deserve to make decisions (or not even consider them) according to your clock, only.
Ugh, I wish your MIL could have been a LITTLE more supportive.
Bottomless mimosas sounds AWESOME. And so does Chinese New Year! I hope you have a super time, and how cool that it's all expenses paid!!!
I feel this urge to listen to Will Smith's "Parents Just Don't Understand." Sorry they are not being terribly helpful.
And your weekend away sounds simply AMAZING!!! I'm uber excited for you! Enjoy it.
HUGS
I'm so sorry about the BFN. Your MIL does not sound helpful either ...
Hoping that the weekend will be everything it promises to be.
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