Monday, July 19, 2010

I have a secret, too

Others have posted this article from Self Magazine on their blogs. For those of you who read this blog and are lucky enough to be able to conceive and carry a baby easily, it will give you an insight into infertility and the huge emotional toll it takes.

Part of me wishes I was more open about our struggles with our IRL friends / colleagues at work. One of the few local friends I have told is just not that interested in talking about it, maybe it makes her uncomfortable, maybe she's just so self-absorbed that it doesn't even occur to her to ask how I am feeling. We decided not to tell most of our friends, because we didn't want the pitying glances or the "So, how are you?" veiled questions that really mean, "So, did it work? Are you pregnant?"

Luckily I  do have the support of our close families AND my college girlfriends. AND all my bloggy friends! Love you!

~Jem

9 comments:

Erica said...

Thanks for posting the article, I will definitely use it in my blog...;)

callmemama said...

Yes, those pitying glances suck. I wish one of our friends didn't know, but only because he's made the most asinine comments and I feel like he and his wife feel sorry for us.
Without support from my blog friends, this would be a lot tougher!

Stacie said...

I was open about what we went through to get pregnant with the boys. This time around, we've told no one. I've even had to lie a few times so my sil would come watch the boys for me.

I guess I don't want those glances either. I think, even more than that, I don't want the "why are doing all of this to yourself when you should be glad you have the boys?" crap. Sigh.

I rely on my bloggy friends for my support. Without you guys, I'd be lost...

Allison said...

Y'know, it's such a weird line. On one hand, I want to talk about it, to educate, to seek support.

But on the other hand... it's so intensely personal. And HARD, damnit. Sometimes it's nice to "act normal" as an escape from infertility.

And yes, CHEERS for bloggy friends. I'd surely be committed by now without them.

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Katie said...

Thank you for posting that article.

It's hard being open with friends and family about IF. I've slowly become more and more open about it over the years, to the point now where I am completely open and have even shared my blog.

But I would never be where I am without my blog friends. You are all my greatest supporters!

Jessica said...

Great article...thank you for posting!

Poppet said...

Very interesting article. In the 1980s my brother had cancer. Our family kept it as a very tightly held secret. Today no one would think twice about telling someone they have cancer. When my brother died (I am not comparing IF with death - just the burden of carrying such a huge secret) it was horrific to have to tell people he had died - and that he had been sick for a year. It was a huge shock.

I hope that in the future people can feel comfortable enough that they can share their IF with friends and loved ones. Keeping such a secret is a burden in itself.

As a non-IF person I feel like I have little to share beyond love and empathy, but just as it is SOMETHING!

I know if it were me who learned my friend were infertile, my biggest concern would be in saying the wrong thing. Maybe that is why your friend is unwilling to talk about it.

Communication is so hard!

Amber said...

I still feel new to the bloggy world, but the support here is just incredible. I'm glad that we all have each other!!

I don't think there's such a thing as a "should" in terms of who you do or don't tell. Only your heart knows what will help it cope the best with all of this. If that means screaming from rooftops, then so be it. And if it means not telling a soul, that's RIGHT too. We told family, and a couple very close friends, but no one else.

It's such a double-edged sword - you tell people and you get the questions, but you don't tell people and you get another set of equally painful ones. Geesh.