Mystery spotting has ceased (I'm not a spotter). Hmm. Curious. Maybe my body will get back to normal. Maybe? Please?
"Clom.id for Men" update:
Mr. Jem left a message yesterday with Dr. Johnson, the urologist. Hopefully they'll find a better medication to increase sperm and that won't keep his libido at zero. Oh, and to answer some of your questions, Mr. Jem is on other medication, Pro.zac, to be precise. So, that is also a factor in this whole thing.
Mr. Jem and I had a big talk last night. I expressed to him what I want from a marriage, that I want him to be 100% participating - emotionally (which he does do), but also in terms of doing things around the house like shopping, cooking, cleaning, economically, AND romantically. I want a full partner in life.
He had been very upset by a comment I had made last week when I was trying to explain my needs and that I felt I was being "used" and "taken advantage of" because I trundle off to work early each morning, hour commute each way to a high pressure job. Then I come home and make dinner and then have to ask him to do the dishes, or the vacuum. I have been feeling so much pressure to hold the whole thing together! It's no wonder that my back is a mess! The stress of it all!
I told him I felt a bit "co-dependent" because I have not always been good about expressing my needs. I'm a lot better now, thanks to years of therapy.
Mr. Jem is starting his own business. I asked that we look at our whole household like a business. We even gave it a fictional name, something like "Mr. and Ms. Jem, Incorporated." Like every business we need a budget, we need goals to grow (grow the family = baby, grow our $$, grow our circle of friends, grow our interests and hobbies, grow our giving to the community, grow our spiritual lives), prosper. We need to know how long to give his entrepreneurial endeavors a go until we say, "Basta!" and insist that he gets a job to bring in money.
Mr. Jem taped a recent "Dr Fill" tv show where a former dot.com executive had lost his job and now his wife is holding down two jobs as he "looks" for a new one. He spends his days doing nothing. Dr. Fill spent a good amount of time telling the husband to get off his keester and take a job, any job, to make money for the family and to "be a husband." Interestingly, Mr. Jem said, "surprisingly, there are a lot of similarities between himself and that man on TV." I think it made him realize how unhappy I am with the current situation and that he's losing me.
Last night he told me, "Jem, when you told said that you felt used it was the second worst thing you could say to me. The worst would have been if you had said that you don't trust me."
I wonder if part of me doesn't trust him. He says he loves me, wants to make me happy, but then slips into his own world. If I had a dollar for every excuse he's made to do things later (chores, work, me) I'd be a very rich woman. "I'm too tired." - "I'm stressed by graduate school." - "All I can think about is my sucky job." - "I'm worried about my father being ill." - "I ate too much." - "I couldn't sleep last night." - "I don't know how to seduce you." That last one killed me! You're 47 years old. Don't tell me you don't know what to do!!!!
We'll keep talking. I'll keep you all posted.