Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Nothing...

... to report on TTC. We're officially on a break. Psychologically, it's a little bit like resigning myself to... I mean "trying out" living Child-free.

I don't like it.

Okay, I loved sleeping in to noon on Sunday. I didn't like this feeling that there's something major missing in my life. I don't care about being able to go shopping anytime I want. I don't care about just focusing on me. I want to focus on raising a child, I want to have a reason to cook a good dinner, a reason to sing a song, to make silly faces, to paint.

I know I don't have to have a child to do all those things. The fact is that without the focus of TTC, all the deficiencies of my life are standing out. Mr. Jem is annoying me - his lack of career focus, not following through with 2 of the 3 things he does around the house: dishes and vacuuming. His lack of fitness and energy is also bothering me. Okay, I have 25 lbs I need to lose, too.

The other obsession that has filled the space left open after IVF has been with my hair. I'm wearing it curly instead of blow-drying it straight each day. I wash it at night and add product (aloe vera gel is my go-to right now). The key is not to touch the hair as it dries, or it frizzes. I will post more about this later. Again, I'm totally obsessing on reading curly girl blogs and forum postings.

Okay, not exactly "NOTHING" going on. Just not really the right stuff.

Jem

7 comments:

Rain Child said...

I fight with my curly hair on a regular basis. And usually it wins! I wish you the best in your struggle. And aloe vera gel? Really? I should try that out.

And I am so sorry that the right things aren't happening.

Pie said...

Hugs.
I hate the breaks, they can be just as hard as the non-breaks. Hang in, sweetie, hang in.

callmemama said...

My curls are not cooperating with all the dry weather we've been having. I'd love to hear more about this aloe ver gel thing - I just bought some yesterday, so I might try it out.
Sorry the break is so tough, but I totally feel you on the not wanting to live childfree. I've always known it's not for me...

irrationalexuberance said...

Sigh... the cycles suck. The breaks suck. I wish I had more advice for you, except right now I'm just doing the same thing and trying to keep occupied so I don't focus on the fact that I'm in a waiting period. I'm a big believer in cooking nice meals just to make yourself happy, though. And planning them. And shopping for them. So that's something to do, right?

Poppet said...

It's so funny that you wrote that about curly hair. For my entire life I have hated my hair and cursed the frizzy curls.

Last summer I was hanging out with my friend who lost her hair to cancer (chemo). I met her sister - she gasped when she saw me - and said "OMG, El, she has YOUR hair!"

Ever since then I have decided to embrace my hair with all its imperfections.

Curly, straight, whatever. It's your hair. Enjoy it.

BTW- I swear by Paul Mitchel's products. But I haven't experimented much....

進行試 said...
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infertilefollies said...

Taking a break was the best thing I could have done. My anxiety level went way down, and my emotions became much more manageable. I just really needed it. I hope your break goes well!

I also have super-curly hair, and it is more work than straight hair but I still like it mostly. Lately I am wearing it wavy blown out because I just gave myself some bangs. (Trying something new!) When I wear it curly I like mousse; it gives it hold without the crunch factor. I use a little water on it between washings to hold down the frizz factor. (DH always wants to run his fingers through my hair -- uh, sorry, you're separating all my curls! AAHH!)