The FU IF diet (updated)

After crying for an hour straight after receiving the news of our BFN, I started implementing my plan for the FU IF diet.

• I began with a hot dog for lunch yesterday.
• I had a glass of red wine at 4:00 p.m. (on an empty stomach). It tasted AMAZING.
• Followed by another glass with dinner - pepperoni pizza (acupuncturist had me on no pork and low carb, thus no pasta and pizza).
• I had chocolate for dessert, first time in months.
• Then a little fun in the bedroom - Thank you, Big O. It does help as a mood lifter.
• This morning: bagel (see above), medium-sized latte (Low fat and full caff of course), cream cheese (I had cut way back on dairy), egg quiche (and I had also cut out eggs). Then a cream cheese danish.
• Lunch: I will have some sort of sliced meats, preferably processed with nitrates.
• Dinner: Sushi (raw fish), and sake. Then candy and popcorn at the movie theatre. Planning on going at the time I would (should) have had my PIO shot.

Take that, IF!

This is how I cope. I hope I don't feel too sick with all this crap.

Eventually (in the next day or so), I will go back to a "eat healthy food" diet so I can lose the extra 20 lbs (Thanks to two IVFs and a FET). In the meantime, I will do what I want to.

I'm back in the office and I don't feel like crying. That's good, right?

Thank you to all of you for the outpouring of sympathy. You all get it. I appreciate it.

WTF appointment scheduled for July 22. Should have been our first OB scan. FML. (oh, no, the tears are starting...)

~Jem

Update: Urpppp. Now I feel jittery and a little sick...

Today's WTF appointment & CD2 for IVF#2

And we're off!

We drove down to the Clinic today at 10:00 a.m. to meet with Dr. W. He recapped what happened previously: Fresh IVF with excellent response resulting in 26 eggs, 5 embryos, 2 transferred fresh ending in a biochemical PG and 3 transferred frozen ending in what they were calling an ectopic, but they were not sure where the PG was.

His conclusion: do the same thing again - antagonist protocol, starting BCPs tonight (CD2), and blood work today or tomorrow. I pushed a bit about additional testing. We agreed to do an an HSG x-tray test next week to see if my tubes are blocked, which could have a low chance of causing the chemical and/or ectopics. When we draw blood today, he also prescripted Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Panel, along with chromosomal analysis / karyotyping for both me and Mr. Jem. I also got the nurse to get them to test my iron and ferritin levels, as my iron levels were low during my FET in January. Oh, and they'll measure my FSH and Estradiol levels, too, of course!

The last thing we did (before Dr. W rushed off to do an embryo transfer) was to ask for a new IVF coordinator. Our original nurse kept dropping the ball on details. We didn't rag on her to Dr. W, just simply asked if we could work with another nurse, let's call her Nurse S, who is known to be very, very supportive and great to work with.

We decided, no, let me re-phrase this, I decided to go ahead and go with this cycle as our next IVF cycle. Mr. Jem deferred to me, as "it's my body," even though he really wanted to move forward as soon as possible. I have been super stressed and tired because of work and he wanted to be respectful of my need to feel ready physically. Luckily I've been resting all this week at home - a "stay-cation" and I'm starting to feel rested.

So, I start BCPs tonight and should have my IVF calendar tomorrow. When I get it I will share it with my acupuncturist who works at the Clinic. We saw her today and she already started me on herbs.

Question: Is this officially IVF#2? Does the FET just count as part of IVF#1?

Okay, gotta run to the pharmacy to pick up the pills, drop off my dry cleaning... (and on and on...)

Glad to be back on track!

Jem

WTF Appt Questions?

Thanks for the warm welcome back to the blog world. I sure missed you all.

There were some good suggestions in your comments. Made me realize I need the blog community's help coming up with new questions for Dr. W for our WTF appointment, especially given IVF #1 resulted in a chemical pregnancy with the fresh round and an ectopic for the frozen.

Heading into IVF #2, Stacey suggested I look into recurrent pregnancy loss panels. What are included in those? What other tests should I request?
What other questions should I ask?

Gosh, I remember going to my first RE appointment, way back when and being shocked when I was treated as the patient. "But, it's Mr Jem's swimmers, not me!!" How naive I was!

I sure appreciate any input/suggestions you can give me!

Thanks,

Jem

SA results & planning for IVF #2

Finally got Mr. Jem's SA results. Dr. W called me personally. "The count is up to 250K [from zero] which was enough for us to freeze for the next cycle. No need for a testicular biopsy like last time."

Yippee! I've never been so happy about a crappy SA before! For those of you not blessed with MFIF, anything under 25 million is low. We're not even at the million mark.

Mr. Jem will talk to the urologist, Dr. Johnson (NOT his real name, BTW) about the results and whether he can/should stop taking Clom.id as it's dropped his already low libido down to almost zero.

Oh, and yesterday we dropped by the clinic. We set up our WTF/What's the plan appointment to May 26. As to day is my CD1 (it was only spotting the last two days), I should be starting my Cycle around May 22. He suggested I start with BCPs and get a baseline on CD2, BEFORE the appointment with him. I'm curious to know what change in protocol he might have for us.

While at the clinic we spoke to the on-site acupuncturist. She said they were starting a study that we we qualify for that would mean free acupuncture treatments and herbs during our cycle! Considering we spent over $1,500 in acupuncture alone last year, that's a very good deal.

Am a really gearing up for another cycle? Could it really be? Pinch me!!

Jem

WTF canceled

I took your advice, oh wise readers, and canceled our WTF appointment for Thursday.

You are so right! A break aught to really be a break. I don't want to think about what to do next when I can't act on it until after mid-May. I want to climb back in my little cocoon of denial and just focus on other things. Namely, pain.

Not mental anguish, but the physical type. My left hip hurts. My left buttock, to be precise. Stabbing pain, with additional pain in my left knee. Seeing my chiropractor this afternoon.

Jem

Should I blow off my WTF appointment?

(Okay, I would call to cancel)

Our WTF appointment is scheduled for Thursday, but I don't feel ready to go. I know we won't be able to cycle again until after mid-May and I'm super busy at work. And I'm in avoidance mode.

To cancel or not to cancel, that is the question.

WTF Appointment

Monday we met with Dr. "Could-be-Wonderful-again-if-FET-works." Okay, I'll just call him Dr. W from now on.

He don't know why the fresh cycle failed. Everything was excellent: egg count, embryo quality, everything.

When asked what he would do differently, Dr. W stood by his agressive use of meds to stimulate me. He said we might not have had any embryos to freeze if we didn't go all out with the stims.

He even explained the poor fertilization rate: it was due to the fact that they used sperm from Mr. Jem's testicular biopsy, sperm that is less "mature" by nature.

He was encouraged by the fact that the beta was 8, even if we didn't get a pregnancy. At least something stuck, for at least a little while. A very good sign.

Conclusion: He felt we had an excellent chance with the three icies waiting for us. FET is much less expensive (~$3K instead of $13K) and less meds and less intrusive. It sounds like a walk in the park next to a fresh cycle of IVF.

We will start our next cycle, which should begin around Dec 15. The only snag: (and you knew there HAD to be a snag) Dr. W will be on vacation the week between Christmas and New Years, exactly when the ET will happen AND when I have (forced) time off work. Darn. Drat. Turds.

If we want HIM to perform the transfer, we can extend the cycle (just keep taking estrogene and hold off the progesterone shots) and wait until the beginning of January. But do I want to take MORE time off work? Not really. Do I want another doctor to perform the transfer? Not really. The first one was torturous (read my account here).

What should we do?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chomping at the bit

Today is CD 13. I am chomping at the bit to get started with our next IF endeavor. This holiday weekend really brought home my longing for motherhood. I was on the couch and I could imagine a baby in my arms. I imagined what it would be like to be bringing a baby to Thanksgivings festivities. It made me feel warm inside. Creating these images in my head made things more real for me.

Yes, I have been able to sleep in, go to the gym when I want, make love with Mr. Jem without worrying about the children hearing. I don't care. I feel there is something missing in my life. I want to share the world with a little being. I want to experience the world through their eyes.

Yes, I'm totally ready to be a mom. Can I change the name of my blog to "Willing Womb"?

So, yes, I'm chomping at the bit. Bring on the next step towards parenthood!

Speaking of which, Monday we have our WTF appointment with Dr. Used-to-be-Wonderful and I need your advice.

Here's a recap of our IVF:

Antagonist protocol: 10 days of BCP followed by 225mg Foll.istim + 75mg Meno.pur
31+ follicles stimulated (ugh)
24 eggs harvested
16 eggs fertilized, 9 developed
2 embryos transferred (3 AA + 2 BB) on Day 5
Mild to medium overstimulation
3 embryos frozen (5 BB + 4 BB + ?) on Day 6
9dp5dt: Beta = 8 (boo hoo) = chemical pregnancy.

We had beautiful, excellent quality embryos transferred. We both did acupuncture, ate healthy food (except being overstimulated I was living off Gator.ade and Ritz crackers).

Why didn't it work? What lessons should we take away from our semi-failed IVF?

What questions should we ask?

Jem