Reluctant mother

Back in August 2009 one of my friends reluctantly announced her pregnancy (read this post). Her baby shower ended up being at my house (see this post). Well, on March 21 she had the baby, a little girl. This friend has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with her much older boyfriend - she's 41 and he's 50-something. They are currently living in a loft condo that she owns - we're talking one room with a open bedroom upstairs. During the pregnancy she kept talking about moving, but passively saying, "D (her boyfriend) will figure it out. One day he'll come home and say, 'we're moving to Xxx.'" But that never happened.

To make matters worse, she went into labor 2 weeks early, and didn't have a suitcase packed, or even a car seat to take the little one home. A friend had to go pick one up and bring it to the hospital.

Three weeks have passed and they still have not picked a name for their baby.

This whole scenario blows my mind. I can't imagine being so unprepared. I can't imagine not having a home big enough for a child and creating a space for him and her. I can't imagine not having a name for my baby. It's like if they don't name her, she's not real or not there? W-T-F?!!

On the phone with her yesterday I wanted to say, "Listen, if you don't want this baby, I'll take her!" Of course, I didn't. I just teased her about being sure they'd figure a name out before the kid was enrolled in first grade. But inside my heart was breaking.

Mr. Jem and I already have names picked out. It just makes me cry.

Reactions?

Jem

Friend's baby bump

Tuesday night we celebrated my friend's birthday at a restaurant. My friend L is 4 or 5 months pregnant. There's the post that describes how she announced here pregnancy.

What was sad was that she didn't want to show her baby bump or talk about her pregnancy. Every time the subject came up she would look down at her lap as she answered the question. And then change the subject.

She's 41 and it was an "oops" pregnancy with a man she's been on again off again with.

How unfair is this situation. L sat on the other side of the table, clearly tired, uncomfortable (physically and emotionally). Mr. Jem and I sat at the other side of the table. She clearly didn't want to be pregnant. I would give my right eye to be (not literally).

If I had been in her shoes (or better yet, me and PG), I would be beaming with joy. I'd be one of those obnoxious PG women who let friends (only) touch their bellies. I'd be showing off the baby bump with cute maternity wear (never mind that I look like I have a tiny baby bump with my IVF fat).

None of our local friends know we did IVF or that we're preparing for our FET. We plan on keeping it that way until we can announce some happy news.

Jem