Sunday, March 11, 2012

Self-editing

The whole PAIL debate has really struck a chord with me, specifically the current climate of "I don't want to offend anyone by this post... (fill in the blank on the topic)" that Mel commented on recently and that seems to have kept friends I read regularly from posting freely about a topic that is front of mind (pregnancy fears, aches and pains, circumcision decisions,  baby sleep troubles).

We in IF-land have been through so much. Self-editing can come from a fear of hurting others with our words. What I fear is that it comes from a place of self-loathing, where we don't believe our point of view, what we are going through is important, or valid, or some such. I personally did so much self-editing while going through treatments - not telling anyone at work about it, not tell the majority of my friends. While I did this out of self-preservation, there was some shame. We can't get pregnant on our own.

So, sing your point of view, IFers! Be free!

~Jem

6 comments:

Lulu said...

So true. I don't expect anyone currently going through treatments to read what I'm currently writing, but I still feel guilty when I write anything negative. But, my archives are there if they want to get to know the Lulu who was desperately sad and lonely during IUIs/IVF.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I struggle with this.

I want my blog to be true to who I am now, without abandoning who I was, because it has shaped me. IF and RPL have coloured almost every decision I make as a parent.

It's like I'm walking a tightrope... allowing myself to be true to who I am while not wanting to hurt those I have come to care about. There are definitely moments I feel that it's not 'right' for me to talk about Ginny or this pregnancy. That I'm a fraud within this community. But I also feel like a fraud within the 'normal' mommy blogosphere too.

Fun times...

Rain Child said...

I struggle with this too. I remember reading "pregnancy after IF" blogs and feeling a bit pain they started writing about the complaints of pregnancy or early morning feeds. That, of course, has faded over time. But, I am terrified of causing pain to my readers who are still in the trenches.

Sigh....

Poppet said...

You have every right to express yourself as you wish. If your readers are hurt by your words, they will stop visiting your page. Oh well, they weren't really there to begin with.

My blog (which has nothing to do with IF) gets me into LOTS of trouble from time to time because I comment on local politics. Self editing is, by nature, self-preservation. Just make sure you don't lose some of who you are in what you are choosing not to share. It's OK to say things others may not want to hear, if you are writing your own feelings, from your own perspective. Jem, you aren't speaking on behalf of an entire community. You are expressing your life's challenges as you experience them.

Yes, you are grateful to be pregnant. Yes, it does suck sometimes.

No one likes a martyr! :-)

JW Moxie said...

So very true. I think some of us self-edit ourselves into corners, to the point that we can no longer feel as comfortable in the spaces that we created for ourselves (goodbye, SmartOneKym; hello, JWMoxie). It happens. I self-edited because I didn't want to hurt anyone. I know that my space was built for me and was FOR me and not my audience, but still. I had to switch spaces to feel like I was breaking free from the restraints that I had put on myself.

J.o.s.e.y said...

Hey Jem - I'm planning something for Oak. Can you shoot me an email?