Maxed out...

I've reached my max with the family visits.

Loved the visit, loved seeing you. Thank you so much for the presents, for the food, for the love.

Okay, folks, you can leave now.

I need a nap.

Mock transfer

Today's mock transfer with Dr. W went well. No problems at all getting the catheter in there. Apparently my cervix has one little spot that is tricky to maneuver through. He got it mapped out and we're good to go!

I just hope and pray that Dr. W will be doing the transfer, which is currently projected to be on or around January 7.

***

Meds arrived today. Kinda annoyed because the IVF coordinator promised a calendar outlining exactly when I take everything, but has yet to send it.

Here's what was in the box:
- Methyl.prednisolone - anti-inflammatory and so my body does not reject the embies
- Doxy.cycline - antibiotic to take before and day of transfer
- Progesterone in both forms - in oil and suppository. Double the fun.
- Syringes with needles of various sizes: 18 gauge to suck the progesterone in oil into the syringe and 22 gauge, mercifully with a smaller needle for the actual injection. Neither Mr. Jem or I are looking forward to the injections

Right now I'm taking 2 mg of estrogen orally three times a day. As my period is slowing down, I get to shove one of the estrogen pills up my lady-parts starting this evening. Super fun! Dr. W assures me this really get the uterine lining to do it's thing. Have to get it to 8 mm or is it cm? What's with the metric systems, anyway? It's too confusing to go back and forth between inches and cm.

Okay, rant over.

I'm feeling very hopeful for this FET.

Jem

P.S. I've been totally craving caffeine lately. I broke down and had a decaf latte the other day. I made it full fat. Apparently full fat dairy is the way to go for fertility.

Apology to Fertiles

This goes out to any (fertile) friends who read this post who may have been offended by my Christmas card rant.

My excuse: I was very premenstrual and pissed off by my lack of kids in my life.

The truth: I'd love to send out cards with pics of my progeny. Period. I'm a jealous bitch. So sue me!

More truth: Those of us suffering from infertility are super sensitive. We're like that super PC female friend in college that didn't like to be referred to as a Freshman and always corrected other people when they called the elite single-sex institution we attended a "girls school" ("It's a women's college!"). Just be aware that we're going through a total sh*t time of this. Think eggshells, folk. Eggshells. Sorry. It's just the way it is.

Last word: I love you all, whether you have children or not. Keep the cards coming. I truly didn't mean to offend anyone.

Jem

P.S. I do stand by my wish that you all would actually sign cards. But who am I to complain. I didn't send out cards this year. Maybe I'll send New Years cards, like they do in France. Love that tradition.

FET CD1 & Welcome IComLeavWe!

After a 35-day cycle (thank you, IVF), today is officially the first day of our FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle.

For you IComLeavWe'er, welcome. Here's a quick update of our IF journey.

After TTC for a couple of years, Mr. Jem was finally ready to really try. Low sperm count sent us straight to the RE and to IVF as our only option. In November Mr. Jem and I went through our first IVF. We suffered through hyperstimulation on my part and a testicular biopsy for him. Even tho we're suffering (appropriate word) from male factor infertility, but my body or my eggs weren't quite up to snuff, because the cycle ended with a chemical pregnancy.

We have 2 excellent, and 1 okay embryo on ice that we are planning to have transferred in the beginning of January. We were hoping to be able to do it the week between Christmas and New Years, but alas, I'll need to take time off work.

Mr. Jem and I have been talking a lot, helping me through the fact that I haven't felt especially "hopeful" about this cycle. I think it's me trying to protect myself from the pain of another negative outcome. Now that the cycle is starting, I'm actually very hopeful and feeling extremely positive.

I hope all you have a wonderful Christmas, or whatever you celebrate. I personally ate waaaaayyy too many latkes for Channukah. I'm hitting the gym today!

The inevitable

Started spotting this afternoon. Yippee! FET, here we come!

Beta results

Since I'm doing multiple posts today...

Just got a call from our IVF nurse. The beta came back negative.

Now just waiting for my period to start so we can officially start our FET cycle. Only thing I can do is make a list:

To do:
- Start Period
- Start Est.race pills on day 2
- Reschedule appointment for mock transfer to map out lady-bits again
- Get scanned to determine lining thickness
- If thick enough, start progesterone shots (PIO)
- 6th day of PIO, transfer frozen embryos
- Pray.

Thanks again to everyone for their support. I've sworn off HPTs. Forever. Beta only for me going forward.

I'm not devastated by this BFN like last month. I'm glad to know. Not knowing was hell.

Beta

Rather than doing yet another update to the last post, thought I'd start fresh.

Went to my 10:30 a.m. appointment at the clinic. There I was, legs up in the stirrups, when this woman comes in who I've never met before. "Where's Dr. W?" I asked.

"Your mock transfer was moved onto my schedule." She answered.

Oh, okay.

I then explain about the craziness with the HPT. Her response, "Do you want to do an HCG test? I don't want to go in there with a catheter if there's something going on." (Her exact words).

I look at Mr. Jem, shrug and say, "Um I guess." Now, the probability of us getting PG without IVF is very, very low, as Mr. Jem's sperm count was 8 last time. Not 8 million. Eight. Period.

All the same, I got dressed and went to draw blood. I should know early this afternoon. If it's negative, we'll reschedule the topography session (mapping how to get the catheter comfortably up me) for next week.

Had a "very interesting" chat with our IVF nurse. After looking at the calendar, we wouldn't be doing the FET the week of Dec 28th after all. The absolute earliest it would be is Jan 4. Looks like all that deliberation we did (read this post) was for naught. The good news is that Dr. W is available that week to do the transfer. But who's to say who will actually show up. These clinics run to best serve their own schedules, never mind what WE want.

In any case, fingers crossed for the beta results. I hate to hope too much... I do feel much better after having taken the beta.

Oh, and one more thing:
Cost of the two types of HPTs: $32.60
Cost of the beta at the clinic: $55 minus what's covered by my insurance = $1.78
Peace of mind: priceless.
If only I could add: "BFP: priceless."

Someday...

*sigh*