ICLWelcome!

Is it that time again? Really? Time flies when you don't have a little one to watch grow up and to mark the time. I remember when I was a little girl my grandma said, "When you get older time accelerates until it seems you're having breakfast every 15 minutes." I'm not quite there, but I understand what she said.

I've been at this TTC thing since 2006, but only got doctors involved a couple of years ago. For my full, detailed timeline, check out the tab above titled "The Journey so far" - sorry to be lazy, but to retype the whole thing would take pages!

Tomorrow I have my next ultrasound (at 8 weeks, 4 days). I'm super nervous, as we've never been this far in the process. Plus things are very busy at work. I'm trying so hard (hate that word "try") to keep my stress level down.

Oh, and an update on Mr. Jem's job interview from yesterday. They offered him the position. Now to decide if it's the best thing for our family. The pluses: it's in an industry that Mr. Jem is very passionate about (sports), it's a sales job, which means he can make money. The minuses: it's a start-up, 100% commission and initially no benefits. Does this make sense for him to take? Could he work there for three months and still apply for bigger places with health insurance and other benefits, but from the better position of actually having a job?

I'm really proud of him for getting this offer and I know he feels really good. But is this job the best thing for our (growing) family?

Is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush?

~Jem

Welcome ICLW'ers!

It's been months since I last participated in IComLeavWe. It's good to be back, it's good to be "public" again. I felt disconnected from the IF community -  I missed you all!!

So, for those of you new to my blog, I'm Jem. I'm 41. We've been through 3 fresh IVF, and 1 FET. No more IVF for me, so we're moving on to donor sperm and IUI. I would be willing to use donor eggs, if it came to that.

Mr. Jem and I have been through a rough patch lately, but are on the mend. IF can do a real number on a marriage. Thanks to marriage counseling we are communicating better.

So, that's my story. Please share with me and the other readers a link to a blog or post that meant a great deal to YOU lately.

I chose this post from from IF to when because it resonated with me... motherhood isn't a club (that won't have me at the moment); it's a gift, a responsibility. 

Happy ICLW!

~Jem

1dp5dt: No frosties

Welcome to all you ICLW'ers! As you can see, I'm in the home stretch of IVF#3, having just transferred two XX chromosomes embies yesterday. We did PGS, which I am grateful for, as of the 11 embies, only two were normal. I'm a little sad to report that we don't have any frosties this cycle. Let's just hope we don't need them.

Thank you to you all, your help with my email to my step-dad, for all the well-wishes for our two little girls.

Only on the computer for a sec as I pledged to myself not to be on the computer as I'm resting. Mostly I'm reading, watching TV, napping in the sun, being waited on hand and foot by Mr. Jem. Might get to ICLW commenting tomorrow. Gotta keep up my iron commenter status, right?
 
Off to more relaxing...

~Jem

Happy ICLW

Welcome ICLW'ers,

I'm Jem. I'm 2 weeks away from my 40th birthday. Yes, that freaks me out. I've always planned on being pregnant before 40... hmmm. I did get pregnant (see below)... I guess I should have been specific in my goal-setting -- "I want to be carrying a viable baby by 40." In any case, that dream is dead.

You can see my full IF journey to the right, but, in a nutshell, been TTC for a few years, but only with medical intervention since mid-2009. As we're Male Factor, we jumped directly to IVF, with a fresh cycle in November and frozen cycle in January. Both resulted in a BFP, but one chemical pregnancy, and the other ectopic with a good 6 weeks of drama to "resolve" it. No fun.

Right now we're on a break as my work is super demanding until our sales conference mid-May. I'm finally starting to imagine starting another cycle... in June. I haven't had as much to post about while on a break (sorry, dear readers).

In the meantime, today is CD1, for whatever that's worth. Mr. Jem had a SA yesterday, after being on Clo.mid for 2.5 months. Clom.id has lowered his libido to zero, so we're both anxious to hear how the SA went. Mr. Jem meets with Dr. Johnson, his urologist tomorrow. I'll be sure to update you all.

One last word: I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all the love and support out here in the bloggy world. I love your comments and love your blogs. Thank you!

Jem

January IComLeavWe

Welcome ICLW'ers!

I'm Jem. Supposedly Male Factor, but given our IVF with ICSI - 2 great embies transferred fresh and 3 transferred later after being frozen - that resulted in two chemical pregnancies, I can't point my finger at Mr. Jem as the only one with reproductive trouble. It definitely takes two to tango, plus a whole team of medical specialist, apparently!

The FET chemical pregnancy is still very recent (see Monday's post) and I'm still very raw about this, disillusioned with the whole process. Still working through the pain. That's what this blogging thing is all about. Having a safe place to share IF joys and pains with those who understand.

Very glad you stopped by!

***

Working from home today. Having lower GI issues. Yuck.

To add insult to injury, I'm staring at a line of medical bills, mostly for Mr. Jem's testicular biopsy. Double yuck. Talk about "Kick you when you are down!"

My brain and heart are still a bit numb. My IVF nurse called today to see how I was doing and to schedule a third beta for next Monday to make sure I'm back down to zero. Gee thanks!

Still waiting to bleed.

Jem

FET CD1 & Welcome IComLeavWe!

After a 35-day cycle (thank you, IVF), today is officially the first day of our FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycle.

For you IComLeavWe'er, welcome. Here's a quick update of our IF journey.

After TTC for a couple of years, Mr. Jem was finally ready to really try. Low sperm count sent us straight to the RE and to IVF as our only option. In November Mr. Jem and I went through our first IVF. We suffered through hyperstimulation on my part and a testicular biopsy for him. Even tho we're suffering (appropriate word) from male factor infertility, but my body or my eggs weren't quite up to snuff, because the cycle ended with a chemical pregnancy.

We have 2 excellent, and 1 okay embryo on ice that we are planning to have transferred in the beginning of January. We were hoping to be able to do it the week between Christmas and New Years, but alas, I'll need to take time off work.

Mr. Jem and I have been talking a lot, helping me through the fact that I haven't felt especially "hopeful" about this cycle. I think it's me trying to protect myself from the pain of another negative outcome. Now that the cycle is starting, I'm actually very hopeful and feeling extremely positive.

I hope all you have a wonderful Christmas, or whatever you celebrate. I personally ate waaaaayyy too many latkes for Channukah. I'm hitting the gym today!

Welcome IComLeavWe'ers

This is my first IComLeavWe post. I am so grateful to be part of this community of people, men and women, who are so open and sharing with the most personal aspects of their lives.

Me?

I'm 39 years old, married for 6+ years to Mr. Jem. Marriage just gets better and better and interestingly enough, facing IF has brought us closer together (after the initial denial and anger phase reacting to Male Factor IF). We've been TTC since Jan 07, but Mr. Jem really wasn't ready to deal with IF or a baby for that matter until May of this year.

We have just started our first (and hopefully last) IVF cycle. We will be doing IVF with ICSI, as Mr. Jem's count was so low (600K) and his motility low too. I ovulate and my FSH is in normal range, as is my Estradrol level. We are very optimistic about this cycle. We've been eating really healthfully (organic when we can, no caffeine, no alcohol, eliminating sugar (as best we can), good lean protein, lots of supplements). We're even doing acupuncture. Okay, I'm doing it mostly. Mr. Jem will have some right before his two donations for the IVF (one will be frozen, the other will be fresh). My understanding is that acupuncture right before and after embryo transfer can greatly increase the chance of a viable pregnancy. Gotta do anything possible to make this work.

Thanks for visiting my humble blog. I appreciate all the comments, support and encouragement.

Jem