Welcome ICLW'ers!

It's been months since I last participated in IComLeavWe. It's good to be back, it's good to be "public" again. I felt disconnected from the IF community -  I missed you all!!

So, for those of you new to my blog, I'm Jem. I'm 41. We've been through 3 fresh IVF, and 1 FET. No more IVF for me, so we're moving on to donor sperm and IUI. I would be willing to use donor eggs, if it came to that.

Mr. Jem and I have been through a rough patch lately, but are on the mend. IF can do a real number on a marriage. Thanks to marriage counseling we are communicating better.

So, that's my story. Please share with me and the other readers a link to a blog or post that meant a great deal to YOU lately.

I chose this post from from IF to when because it resonated with me... motherhood isn't a club (that won't have me at the moment); it's a gift, a responsibility. 

Happy ICLW!

~Jem

Unconditional love

In August of 2009 I started this blog with my very first post. 

This has been an amazing venue for me to vent my feelings, both the positive and the negative, for me to pour my heart out, to celebrate accomplishments and to grieve. The beauty is that this wasn't happening in a vacuum, but among people who understand.

165 posts later I'm embarking on my second IVF. I can safely say that I couldn't have made it so far without the support and love of all the people in the IF blogosphere, this great community informally headed up by our beloved Lollipop Goldstein at Stirrup Queens.

The comments, the love, the support has sustained me. And I'm not just talking about your comments here, but the fact that I could read about your stories, hear about your victories, learn about your sorrows. That I could provide the encouragement, the support, the shoulder to cry on has meant the world to me.

That said, it can be overwhelming. That's where I was yesterday when I was thinking about how hard it can be to see PG women, to read about the BFP. Then I read Adventures in Baby Waiting's post today which I suspect was in response to my blog yesterday. Here's how she closed the post:

"I am making a promise:

I am going to support every blogger on the side of my blog until they complete their dream-whether that be a pregnancy, adoption or another way of life that suits them. Whatever the dream, I want to support it. If you would like your name added to the side of my blog let me know, I am happy to do so."

Here's part of my comment on her blog:

"I too want to support everyone out there in this amazing community, no matter what - PG, adoption, living child-free. It still makes reading about and commenting on PG difficult, and that's what I was trying to express in my blog. I was "girding my loins" to prepare for this cycle.

I will keep supporting you and appreciate all the support you have given me. Thank you for being my friend."

The love is definitely unconditional! It is that unconditional love that makes this community so strong. I stand strong with you all! Unconditionally loving you and being loved.

Getting ready to stim...

I stopped drinking coffee before the start of this cycle - followed by a hellish week of headaches. Since then I've been drinking black tea only. Now I decided no caffeine and have switched to decaf tea. I have such a whopper of a headache. I just want to crawl into bed and die. I do want to clear out the caffeine before I get started with stimming on Friday.

Mentally I've also been getting ready. I've noticed that I've not been able to read certain blogs lately, mostly IF'ers who have gotten knocked up. Love you guys, but, except for a couple of PG blogs, I can't read about pregnancy symptoms or sleepless nights right now. Or about baby showers. I just feel super protective. I hope to be able to read them again soon. I'm also having trouble reading about recent loss. It's like I am naturally gravitating towards blogs / women who are starting an IVF cycle now, like me. My mind can't absorb the joy or the pain of other bloggers' BFP's or BFNs.

How about you? What type of blogs are you reading and does it correspond to where you are in this process?

Jem