10dp3dt: the wait continues

Thanks to everyone for the great comments. Yes, it does seem like the longest 2WW in history. Nothing new to report except I forgot to take my estradriol again yesterday morning and had to take it at 6pm when I got home (not good) and then again at 10pm after my PIO shot. Feeling like an airhead.

I didn't end up going to the Resolve meeting. Mr. Jem encouraged me to stay home as he was concerned that the meeting might be too depressing and I need to keep things positive (literally!! No pun intended!). So I stayed home and snuggled with him on the couch and watched The Bachellor.ette. I really wanted to go because I believe it's important to give and get support in many ways. At the same time, I agreed with Mr. Jem and it was best for me to just take it easy yesterday.

I got a good night's sleep, except when I woke I discovered I had a gazillion mosquito bites on my shoulder. All on top of each other so it's an itchy mess. I just checked with the clinic to see what I can use topically to stop the itching that is safe. Seems it's Bene.dryl cream. Gonna run out and buy some as soon as this is posted.

Hard to believe in close to 24 hours the wait will be over! I"ll be working from home tomorrow so I don't have to be a big mess at work as I wait.

~Jem

9dp3dt: "Operation Distraction"

Symptoms? Sore b00bs. Had some nausea this morning, but realized it was probably my vitamin pill (Darn!). 

Beta day is Thursday. Part of me wants to POAS, but the other part of me doesn't. Total Good Angel / Bad Angel thing...

I will resist for the meantime. I know that those pee sticks are pure evil.

"Operation Distraction" is going swimmingly.

Friday I had a girl's night with two friends, one of whom has a 4-m-o daughter. I got lots of quality cuddle time with the baby, which HAS to be good juju.  Right?

Saturday Mr Jem and I cleaned the house (I LOVE a clean house. It makes me feel so good - I'm weird that way). We went to a very fun party in the evening for a friend's birthday. There was live music and dancing. Unfortunately we had to leave a bit early to go home for the PIO injection. 

4th of July was our 4th Annual Road Trip to Cali.stoga. Five of us drove up. We ate out, "took the waters" (I only went up to my upper thighs in the not-too-cold pool), and then watched the fireworks at the local county fair. Fun.

Yesterday I had my acupuncture treatment and then was off to a picnic in the park that evolved into a BBQ at our house and games into the evening.

Tonight I am attending my first Resolve meeting. Not sure what to expect. I already get so much support from the Blog community, in addition to my family and the IRL friends who are in the know, but it will be nice to meet some local women in the same boat as me. Do any of you attend those meetings locally? How is it?

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend.

~Jem

4dp3dt: Crying Uncle

I give up. I surrender. I'm waving the little white flag. IF, you have officially kicked my butt and I give up.

I haven't given up hope that this cycle will work (my b00bies are sore), but I have given up any thoughts of being able to control what's going on. I have done everything right - bed rest, good food, taken my drugs, done acupuncture, done the moxa three times a day. I've kept my stress level down.

Now I surrender. What be will be. I have one week until beta.

~Jem

No frosties

F*ck.

Dr. W just called with the news. None of the 4 other embryos made it to day 6 for freezing. Everything is banking on these three inside of me right now. There will be no FET from this cycle. Double f*ck.

Stick and grow and be healthy! At least one of you!!

I'm going to go cry now. F*ck this whole IF thing.

~Jem

R&R

Here's proof that I'm taking it easy for the second day running, as the doctor ordered. That's Sharky and my right foot! Mr. Jem did an amazing job yesterday taking care of me. He even cooked dinner last night (gasp!). He grilled chicken, steamed broccoli and defrosted that wonderful TJ's frozen brown rice. Very healthy food for our babies! 

Thank you, Mr. Jem!

I'm reading lots of blogs and so grateful for all the support and love of this community.

Thank you Bloggy Community!

~Jem (feeling very grateful)

Day 3 Transfer - Welcome home babies!

Here they are, the three embryos transferred this morning - Day 3. The bottom two are 8 cell, grade 2 and 3 respectively (1 = best; 5 = worse). The top one is a six cell with some fragmentation. The doctor said the other 4 are "lagging" so they will continue to be cared for by the lab and hopefully we'll have something to freeze.

I did acupuncture before and after the transfer. Once the acupuncturist placed the needles and turned down the lights and left me alone I started sobbing. Crying for my dear grandmother who died in February - I was wearing her sweater. I cried for my aunt who never had children and gave up after adoption fell through. I cried for the two perfect embies transferred first and then their three frozen brothers/sisters transferred afterwards. I cried and cried. I cried for my frustration at wanting to be a mother and not being able to easily, without going through so much. I lay there with my eyes shut and I realized three things:

1. My deep commitment to becoming a mother.
2. If you don't bink when crying with your eyes closed while lying on your back your top lids actually fill up with tears.
3. Ears are perfectly situated to catch said tears.

That made me giggle and I stopped crying. I am generally an optimistic person, and this IF stuff has really knocked me around. Mr. Jem and I were both surprised and a bit worried by the Day 3 transfer. I know that I had "perfect" embies last time I didn't get a baby, so that it my less good embies doesn't mean I won't have a baby... but still. I am worried.

I need some encouragement and happy stories about success 3-day transfers.

~Jem

Fertilization Report - IVF #2 (updated)

Got the call from the clinic - here's the fertilization report: 

Of the 14 eggs retrieved, 9 were mature and were fertilized with ICSI. As a result, we have 7 embryos doing their thing! 

We're tentatively scheduled for a 3-day transfer on Sunday, with a good chance of going for the 5-day on Tuesday. We'll see on Sunday how many make it and how they are doing.

Oh, and please, dear readers, believe me when I say that I was very happy with the 14 eggs retrieved. Yes, it's a lot less than last time, but I'm not hyper-stimulated like last time AND we got fresh swimmer rather than biopsied ones this time. Getting any results is a blessing. Last time we had 24 eggs, but only 16 were mature; 9 were fertilized and we ended up with 5 blasts to transfer. Again, it's quality, not quantity that matters!

Doing ICLW this month has really brought home how I'm definitely in the "veteran" camp now doing a second IVF. I am so much less nervous, so much more zen this time around. Thankfully. 

As always, I'm so thankful for all of you, for your comments and support. 

~Jem

Waiting

Today I'm working from home (really I am!), except for the hour I went to the local Star.bucks (I had fruit juice) so Mr. Jem could have some privacy to do "his thing" and then make a deposit at the clinic for tomorrow's ER. Yes, it's weird that he's doing this the day before ER, but we're just following doctor's orders. Mr. Jem performed like a trooper! 

Yesterday's monitoring results:

• Right Follicles: 17, 14, 15, 19, 19, 13, 18, 16,17, and 20 mm respectively
• Left Follicles:  10, 20, 13, 17, 11, 12, 14
• E2 = 2,937
• P = 1.56

Our sonographer was so confident that we would trigger that night that she pledged, "If you don't trigger tonight, I'll eat my Dans.kos!" Luckily she didn't have to!

I feel very "full" and am glad to be home, working where I can be comfortable. I'm making a big pot of veggie soup, made with fresh veggies bought yesterday at the local farmers' market. Yum!

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary, so after trigger, and drying my eyes, we went to a local restaurant to "celebrate" our love (sans alcohol, bien sur!)! 7 happy years of marriage and things are only getting better!

Mr. Jem, I love you!

~Jem

Trigger pushed back...

A nurse from my clinic just called. I'm not triggering tonight. Will go in for more monitoring in tomorrow morning.

Estradriol = 2,411
Progesterone = 0.980

I was feeling comfortable all weekend, but being back at my desk at work, sitting in my office chair all day, I'm suddenly very uncomfortable and can feel my abdomen and the swollen follies.

I'm a bit pissed disappointed not to be triggering tonight. I want to move forward with this already!!!!

More progress (updated) + June ICLW

Things are looking good:

• Right Ovary: 10 follies: 16, 11, 10, 12, 11, 15, 12, 10, 8, 12
• Left Ovary: 5 follies: 16, 8, 10, 14, 12
• Lining: 8.7 mm (over the 8mm mark! Yippee!)

Waiting for the phone call to tell me if we trigger tonight or tomorrow.

I have continued to eat pretty low carb, which has helped with the bloated feeling.

I'm very, very excited.

***

For you ICLW'ers - welcome to my blog!

Hi, I'm Jem, a (just) 40-year-old, eager to add to our family. We're smack in the middle of IVF #2, with ER scheduled for either this Wed or Thur. We are MFI, so even though it's Mr. Jem's swimmers that have ruled out us getting knocked up "naturally" I must have something to do with our lack of a viable pregnancy because our first fresh IVF ended in a chemical pregnancy and the second in an ectopic (or something).

Despite those two negative outcomes, we are very positive and full of hope for IVF #2. This cycle is WAY easier, as I know what to expect AND we have swimmers on ice so Mr. Jem won't have to have a testicular biopsy this time (he was a total trooper!!)
~Jem

Right on track

Dr. W just called. This cycle is going great and I'm responding wonderfully to the stims.

Here are the results of my second monitoring appointment this morning:
Right ovary: 10 follicles; sizes: 7-14
Left ovary: 5 follies (plus a couple more small ones); sizes: 7-13

E2=989

I'm to start the Gona.relix tonight. Fun! Gotta give those smaller follies time to catch up with the big ones. Dr. W. said my ER will be either next Wed or Thur. He's 50/50 on which it will be. Next monitoring on Saturday.

My optimism continues. Looking forward to my parents' visit today.

I'm also super busy at work and really enjoying it. I met with the hiring manager of that job I'm interested in. I think I will appy... but I LOVE my current job in training - much more "sexy" than this new job in Marketing... or maybe I'm just very comfortable in my current role.

Jem

Bounty

The past few days I've done an amazingly good job at eating well - lots of fresh fruits and veggies, cut back on the bread after I totally binged on Friday and Saturday when I baked bread and I felt terrible afterwards. My acupuncturist recommend I also cut out dairy, especially cheese. As a result I feel less bloated and more energetic, which is good. Luckily the farmers markets in the San Francisco Bay Area are overflowing with bounty - so much wonderful fresh, tasty foods. Yesterday I bought a pound of English Peas. I shared half with my aunt and ate the other half on the train home. Yum!

Update on "down there:" Today is Day 6 of stims and I'm starting to really feel my ovaries. It's hard to explain, but I do. The sensation is like when you make cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving. Right now it's like when the berries start to expand and get warm. Sometimes they tickle. Any of you out there had similar experiences?

My spirits continue to be good and my enthusiasm for this cycle grows. Tomorrow I have more monitoring and my pre-surgery consult (can’t wait to learn who will be doing my ER), as well as acupuncture. Also, my parents are coming into town tomorrow and I've already made a reservation at a really amazing restaurant, Camino, in Oakland, CA – I am soooo looking forward to it. The chef used to work at Chez.Panisse. Unfortunately, Mr. Jem isn't going to join us as it will be game 7 of the N.B.A. finals and he already told me he'll be home yelling at in front of the TV, rooting for the Celt.ics.

Okay, better get back to work. This darn job gets in the way of my blogging... pays the mortgage, though!

Jem

E2=540

All is well. They're not concerned about my lining. Looking forward to Thursday!

I'm getting excited about this cycle! My new nurse S was so enthusiastic about our first monitoring results that it kinda rubbed off on me. So glad we changed nurses.

Jem.

Another step towards parenthood

Friday night, 10:00 p.m. injection time.

Carefully loaded Foll.istim pen, put on needle, clicked to 225, injected Meno.pur vile vial (ha! great typo) with Follistim and swished gently. Carefully measured 1 cc of diluent solution into a new syringe and injected that into the Meno.pur vial. More gentle swishing. Then suck the combined Folli.stim/Men.opur mixture back into the syringe. Change to smaller needle.

Ice and then clean injection site with the alcohol swab. Mr. Jem then gave me the injection (after gently tapping out the air bubbles) and after I balked and giggled nervously.

Stung like a m*ther-f*cker. I think it's the Meno.pur that stings. Luckily 5 min. later the sting is gone and I'm left with a deep sense of satisfaction.

NOW, we're officially doing this thing (again for the 2nd time).

Jem

Job Opportunity

I just stumbled upon a job opportunity that I'm very interested in pursuing within my current company. It has its pluses and minuses, but it would mean more money and a bonus, which I'm not eligible for at my current pay grade. 

Of course, I'm hesitating to apply because I'm just starting IVF #2 and "might be pregnant" soon. My current job is pretty easy after so many years doing it. I have flexible hours and can work from home when I need to.

If I wasn't dealing with IF, this would not be an issue. Yet another sacrifice to the alter that is IF.

So, should I apply for this new, high pressure job? Would I regret NOT applying? What to do?

Jem

WTF Appt Questions?

Thanks for the warm welcome back to the blog world. I sure missed you all.

There were some good suggestions in your comments. Made me realize I need the blog community's help coming up with new questions for Dr. W for our WTF appointment, especially given IVF #1 resulted in a chemical pregnancy with the fresh round and an ectopic for the frozen.

Heading into IVF #2, Stacey suggested I look into recurrent pregnancy loss panels. What are included in those? What other tests should I request?
What other questions should I ask?

Gosh, I remember going to my first RE appointment, way back when and being shocked when I was treated as the patient. "But, it's Mr Jem's swimmers, not me!!" How naive I was!

I sure appreciate any input/suggestions you can give me!

Thanks,

Jem

Happy Belated ICLW

Happy ICLW!

Here's a quick recap of my IF story: Started ART last year. First fresh IVF cycle ended up in a chemical pregnancy. FET ended up in an ectopic. Two BFPs (more like small positives) that ended up in disappointment and heartbreak. We will be going for IVF #2 this cycle or next. Today is Cycle Day 1 minus 1. This Wednesday we have our second WTF appointment with Dr. W after being on a long break from TTC. Work has meant that I didn't have time for all the medical appointments, etc.

I'm writing late for ICLW as I'm just back from 7 days in Las Vegas. The first 5 were work, the rest was for fun with Mr. Jem. I am so happy to be back home, no matter how much fun was had. And it was had. Despite the white tiger - yes, boys and girl, they had the tiger as "entertainment" at the Awards banquet. The worst part was that you could hear it back stage, its claws against the Plexiglas of its cage. I had to leave the banquet room until after the act.

The conference and training went really, really well, but I'm very tired. I gave my colleague a pedometer and we tracked how much we walked each day - 8-10 miles per day!! Not counting the evenings!

In sum, Vegas was a blast, great food (I ate a $80 steak on night - delicious but I'm glad I didn't have to pay for it!), too much drink (can you tell I didn't take my 2WW too seriously), lots of fun with friends and colleagues. I even won almost $300 at craps (first time playing) and broke even at Blackjack (earning comps at the hotel, which is always fun). Mr. Jem and I had a lot of fun together. We went to a show _Defending the Caveman_ which is a one-man show about relationships. Excellent. I totally recommend it. It should be re-named _Defending_Marriage_  or _Defending the Differences between Men and Women_.

Vegas was fun, but not relaxing. It's totally over-stimulating. Luckily I don't have to be back to work until June 1, so I will catch up on my sleep, spend lots of quality time with Mr. Jem, the two kitties and enjoy my home. Oh, and blog! This month I intend on becoming an Iron Commentator.Wish me luck!

Love, Jem

More celebrity IVF babies

Work has been crazy, but crazy fun (for the most part). I do have time to keep up with some blogs, and some celebrity news. Just read that Mark McGrath of Sugar_Ray and his wife just had twins with IVF. Here's the article.

I also read that Sarah_Jessica_Parker said was considering more babies, despite having been criticised (?) for having used a surrogate. Criticized? Really?

I'm actually heartened to read about celebrities and their infertility. A couple of months ago People_Magazine had a cover story on Celine_Dion and her struggles to conceive. I think the more light is thrown on IF, the better. Hmmm. Let me amend that... The more (right) light is thrown on IF the better ... Octo_mom and Kate_G don't help the cause much.

On a more personal front, Mr. Jem had a chat with Dr. Johnson yesterday and they conferenced me in by phone so I could be in on the conversation. Dr. J was happy that Mr. Jem's count went up. He left it up to us to continue the Clo.mid, which we won't because of the lowered libido. Mr. Jem will start back up on testosterone gel again in a couple of months, after we do the next cycle, etc. This cycle we'll try on our own. next cycle, back to IVF. Yippee, fun!

That's all for now. Gotta get back to work!

SA results & planning for IVF #2

Finally got Mr. Jem's SA results. Dr. W called me personally. "The count is up to 250K [from zero] which was enough for us to freeze for the next cycle. No need for a testicular biopsy like last time."

Yippee! I've never been so happy about a crappy SA before! For those of you not blessed with MFIF, anything under 25 million is low. We're not even at the million mark.

Mr. Jem will talk to the urologist, Dr. Johnson (NOT his real name, BTW) about the results and whether he can/should stop taking Clom.id as it's dropped his already low libido down to almost zero.

Oh, and yesterday we dropped by the clinic. We set up our WTF/What's the plan appointment to May 26. As to day is my CD1 (it was only spotting the last two days), I should be starting my Cycle around May 22. He suggested I start with BCPs and get a baseline on CD2, BEFORE the appointment with him. I'm curious to know what change in protocol he might have for us.

While at the clinic we spoke to the on-site acupuncturist. She said they were starting a study that we we qualify for that would mean free acupuncture treatments and herbs during our cycle! Considering we spent over $1,500 in acupuncture alone last year, that's a very good deal.

Am a really gearing up for another cycle? Could it really be? Pinch me!!

Jem