October IComLeavWe

Welcome new and returner readers!

It's still quite amazing to type: I'm pregnant. 

I'm just 13 weeks and have started telling people at work, and my friends that we are expecting. I'm still a bit in shock and have moments of complete denial about this whole thing. It's joyous and scary all at the same time.

I have a long bullet list explaining our journey (see link above) to walk you through our 3 IVFs and 1 FET. It was only when we resorted to donor sperm and medicated IUI that we find ourselves pregnant. 

When I was in my 20s I used to be very irritated by the "We're pregnant!" thing, but now I totally get it. Only our "we" encompasses a whole bunch of people: me, my husband, the sperm donor, our RE, the IUI coordinator, the on-call RE, the IVF lab, various people who have drawn my blood, then finally our OB and his crew, and a perinatal clinic. So, "We're pregnant!" says it all!

I want to leave you with what I did yesterday with my husband and a dear friend (no, not that! Get your mind out of the gutter!)

We went here and got to see these guys up close:

Did you know a group of giraffes are called a "Tower of Giraffes?"

Question: What have you done or seen lately that took your breath away?

~Jem

Welcome IComLeavWe

Hi, ya'll!

I'm Jem. 41 years old. Just got a positive beta yesterday (325 at 14dpo - yippee!) and I'm walking on air. Actually, I'm a more than a little uncomfortable, as I stim really really well - Not to brag (okay, maybe just a little),  but I had 13 follicles on my right side and 5 on my left while stimming. I feel very, very full. My IUI Coordinator, Nurse S, explained that all those follicles are filled with fluid (thus the full feeling), secreting progesterone, thus the cramping. I'm to take it easy (no rigorous exercise, no sex).

We've already done a slew of IVFs, plus one FET, and because of Mr. Jem's severe male factor IF, we're now using donor sperm. I couldn't face another IVF, so we did IUI.

So anyways, here I sit, in between my first and second betas. I'm on pins and needles until my second beta tomorrow. I was a bit afraid the number was "too high" and I might have an ectopic, but Nurse S reassured me.

Wow, it feels like this is all happening so fast - okay, not really, when you consider Mr. Jem and I really started TTC Jan 2007, when I was 37. All the same, this is blowing my mind. 

IF has been really hard on Mr. Jem and me, on our marriage. We are working hard to communicate better, to share more, to really be there for each other. We're seeing a marriage counselor once a week, which really helps.

So, you are all caught up now.

Question for you: How has IF actually BENEFITED your relationship with your significant other (assuming you have one), or with yourself.

My answer: I used to be ambivalent about becoming a mom, but now am 100% sure that I want to parent, that I'll be a great mom, that this is what I want for my life, for my life with Mr. Jem. I had a very chaotic childhood and it took years of personal counseling and work to be at peace with it. Now I want to be a mother myself.

~Jem

March ICLW

Welcome all!

If you don't know what ICLW is, please click on the icon to the right to learn all about it. In a nutshell, it's a great way to connect with other blogs that you haven't seen before (or have) and leave comments and feel the love of this wonderful bloggy community.

Thanks for stopping by my humble blog. If this is your first time, I'm an IVF veteran, with 3 fresh (+ 1 FET) under my belt. We're officially diagnosed as male-factor and I'm 40 years old, so I imagine that my eggs are just old, even if I'm a good responder to stims. I also got diagnosed with immunological issues. We've been to two different clinics. Mr. Jem and I are taking a bit of a break to figure out what's next. I don't know if we can do another IVF - financially or emotionally. But we haven't given up on being parents. The big question is what to do next???!!! Donor IUI in June? Donor eggs? Adoption?

~Jem

February 2011 ICLW

Hello ICLW'ers!

If you want to know what ICLW is, click here.

If you are new to my blog, here's my story in a nut-shell:

I'm 40 years old and an IVF veteran, having just completed our third IVF. When we started in 2009 we were diagnosed as sever male-factor (25K count was our highest count), and told IVF was our only option. The first IVF and FET ended in chemical pregnancies. IVF#2? BFN. We then changed clinics and did much more immunological testing and treatment. IVF#3 resulted in another BFN, despite having transferred two chromosomally normal embryos. We had no frozen embryos.

Less than a week after our BFN, we got a call saying Mr. Jem's father had passed. We're still reeling from all the losses, licking our wounds. We're not sure what to do next.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

~Jem

Welcome DecemberICWL

Zero,zilch,nada,nada,nothing,rein,niet,none. Bagel, donut.

Those are the results of Mr. Jem's third SA in less than a week. This is a huge disappointment after all we've been through. Not only do we have this sever male factor infertility to deal with, but also have repetative loss two biochemical pregnancies from the first IVF (fresh plus 1 FET). Then we had a BFN with no frosties south he second IVF in June. We changed clinics and I've been recently diagnosed with autoimmune issues, including NK (natural killer cells) which can be treated, but uggggh the cost and the hassle...

Those of you who have followed this blog know that 2010 was a super crappy year! Lost my grandma and our dear cat Fluffy. We're hoping that 2011 brings much more happiness. And for you all, too.

Tomorrow, I'll post some neat baby pics - of ME (since I don't have any pics if my own offspring).

Glad you all stopped by.

-Jem

November IComLeavWe

Welcome new readers!

So glad you stopped by my little blog. I missed ICLW last month, so I'm very glad to be back on board!

A little about me: 40 yo, just about to embark on IVF #3 with a new doctor and a new clinic. IVF#2 was a total bust - BFN and no frozen embies. IVF#1 was more hopeful: chemical pregnancy from the fresh cycle and something similar for the frozen. I had great embies the first IVF and am looking to get even more for #3. Plus, I'm going to get extra treatment for my recently diagnosed immunological and other issues (Natural Killer cells, MTHFR genetic mutation) - all this was enlightening, given our original diagnosis was male factor only. I'm spending this cycle psyching myself up for the upcoming IVF.

Here's my November IComLeavWe question:

What's your favorite (helpful or not) fertility advice you've gotten. 

Mine? I've cut out or limited almost all gluten, sugar, dairy and sugar in preparation for my next IVF. I've lost 10 lbs and feel great! 

What about you?

~Jem

Welcome ICWL!

It's that time of month again... No, not THAT. ICLW, silly!

Here are things you might not know about me (non-IF related):

1) I was born in London, England, to American parents. My mom was working at the American School and my dad was in publishing (or avoiding the draft, as it was the late 60s).

2) I was conceived in Tetouan, northern Morocco while my parents were on vacation the summer of '69.

3) I lived in Geneva, Switzerland for 6 years after college. I worked for the United Nations, doing humanitarian aid work for former Yugoslavia during the war there. I speak proficient French. I miss speaking French everyday. I don't miss being a foreigner, tho. I love being home and close to my family.

What other non-IF things do you want to know about me?

~Jem

Happy ICLW!

In transition... that's where I am right now... best describes our situation after 2 failed IVF (+ 1 FET). After the last IVF I swore I wouldn't do it again, but we will give it one more go with a new doc and clinic. I haven't given up hope (okay, I gave it up and then took it back in my heart!!).

If you are new to my blog, my story is in the long list to the right. In brief, I'm 40, we're MFI, but my age is a factor, too. I picked the name of this blog because there are some days that I REALLY want a baby, a child. I know I'll be a great mom. Other days, I get discouraged and get all "sour grapes" around this and think, "I can't have a baby? Didn't want one, anyway!!" Boo-hoo, poor me!

That said, I do want a baby, a child. I know it won't be all roses and I still want/need to have a bigger family. Bigger than just Mr. Jem, Sharkey (our fur-baby) and me.

~Jem

July ICLW

Welcome, dear readers!

I'm Jem. Recently turned 40. Recently went through a second IVF that resulted in a BFN (big fat negative). The first IVF resulted in a chemical pregnancy from the fresh cycle and a sorta-ectopic pregnancy from the frozen cycle.

Tomorrow we have our WTF (what the eff) appointment with our RE (reproductive endocrinologist). Wondering if our options will change, now that we've had some epic fails under our belts. We may not just be dealing with male-factor infertility, as I've not been able to stay pregnant - egg quality issues, perchance?

Emotionally I've been vacillating between hope for whatever is next and numb depression at our situation. I am tracking my cycle this month - not taking my temps (I suck at that), but using the Clear.Blue Easy monitor to see when I ovulate. I'm currently on Day 11 of my cycle. I've never had a problem ovulating in the past, but who knows what all these IVF drugs have done to my system.

Usually I like to ask you all questions, but this time I want YOU  to ask me questions. What else do you want to know about me? 

~Jem

More progress (updated) + June ICLW

Things are looking good:

• Right Ovary: 10 follies: 16, 11, 10, 12, 11, 15, 12, 10, 8, 12
• Left Ovary: 5 follies: 16, 8, 10, 14, 12
• Lining: 8.7 mm (over the 8mm mark! Yippee!)

Waiting for the phone call to tell me if we trigger tonight or tomorrow.

I have continued to eat pretty low carb, which has helped with the bloated feeling.

I'm very, very excited.

***

For you ICLW'ers - welcome to my blog!

Hi, I'm Jem, a (just) 40-year-old, eager to add to our family. We're smack in the middle of IVF #2, with ER scheduled for either this Wed or Thur. We are MFI, so even though it's Mr. Jem's swimmers that have ruled out us getting knocked up "naturally" I must have something to do with our lack of a viable pregnancy because our first fresh IVF ended in a chemical pregnancy and the second in an ectopic (or something).

Despite those two negative outcomes, we are very positive and full of hope for IVF #2. This cycle is WAY easier, as I know what to expect AND we have swimmers on ice so Mr. Jem won't have to have a testicular biopsy this time (he was a total trooper!!)
~Jem

Happy Belated ICLW

Happy ICLW!

Here's a quick recap of my IF story: Started ART last year. First fresh IVF cycle ended up in a chemical pregnancy. FET ended up in an ectopic. Two BFPs (more like small positives) that ended up in disappointment and heartbreak. We will be going for IVF #2 this cycle or next. Today is Cycle Day 1 minus 1. This Wednesday we have our second WTF appointment with Dr. W after being on a long break from TTC. Work has meant that I didn't have time for all the medical appointments, etc.

I'm writing late for ICLW as I'm just back from 7 days in Las Vegas. The first 5 were work, the rest was for fun with Mr. Jem. I am so happy to be back home, no matter how much fun was had. And it was had. Despite the white tiger - yes, boys and girl, they had the tiger as "entertainment" at the Awards banquet. The worst part was that you could hear it back stage, its claws against the Plexiglas of its cage. I had to leave the banquet room until after the act.

The conference and training went really, really well, but I'm very tired. I gave my colleague a pedometer and we tracked how much we walked each day - 8-10 miles per day!! Not counting the evenings!

In sum, Vegas was a blast, great food (I ate a $80 steak on night - delicious but I'm glad I didn't have to pay for it!), too much drink (can you tell I didn't take my 2WW too seriously), lots of fun with friends and colleagues. I even won almost $300 at craps (first time playing) and broke even at Blackjack (earning comps at the hotel, which is always fun). Mr. Jem and I had a lot of fun together. We went to a show _Defending the Caveman_ which is a one-man show about relationships. Excellent. I totally recommend it. It should be re-named _Defending_Marriage_  or _Defending the Differences between Men and Women_.

Vegas was fun, but not relaxing. It's totally over-stimulating. Luckily I don't have to be back to work until June 1, so I will catch up on my sleep, spend lots of quality time with Mr. Jem, the two kitties and enjoy my home. Oh, and blog! This month I intend on becoming an Iron Commentator.Wish me luck!

Love, Jem