WTF Appt #3

We met with Dr. W yesterday. It went well, in that I didn't cry, even when he started the conversation asking about Fluffy.

Why didn't our last IVF work? Why did we get less eggs and embryos? Why didn't the good embryos transferred stick? He didn't really know. 

Only conclusion: Old eggs. He didn't recommend doing PGD or any other testing.

Here are the options he presented:

1. Donor IUI, with Clo.mid "kick" - could do this next cycle. 5-10% chance of getting PG. Cost: $600-$700
2. IVF: Antogonist (again) with a slighter higher Folli.stim dose than last time (225IU). 35% chance of success, 40% with donor sperm.
3. Donor Egg IVF: Higher cost ($25K), 60-65% chance of a baby with donor egg + Mr. Jem's sperm; 75% chance with donor egg and donor sperm. My reaction? With donor egg and sperm, shouldn't we "just adopt?" He pointed out that with adoption, you don't always know if the mother is taking good care of herself (not drinking, doing drugs), and that at least I'd have control over the pregnancy part of the equation. Hmm...

So, what to do? What was his recommendation? Dr. W didn't think there is one clear option. I don't want to "waste" time with a long series of IUIs, given my age (40).

We are definitely looking at getting a second opinion. I've already reached out to Dr. Zou.ves in Foster.City, CA. I'll let you all know what he says. Two other recommendations from a trusted source: CCRM (of course) and Dr. Jefferey.Fisch in Las.Vegas.

I'm starting to get mentally ready to cycle again. We will be traveling in September (to Oregon to see my parents and to MA to visit Mr. Jem's parents), so we'll need to cycle in late September, early October.

Onward and upward!

WTF Appointment tomorrow

We are going to see Dr. W tomorrow (instead of next week). Kind of excited to get this over with. Both Mr. Jem and I are NOT excited about going back to the clinic and are considering going elsewhere for future ART procedures.

In cycle news, it's CD8 and my "O" monitor had me POAS this morning. It's sad but I just sent and Out.look calendar invite to Mr. Jem for CD14 so it would be on his calendar at home so I don't get the "I don't know when you ovulate!" argument this month. Sigh. Who would have thought I'd be sending a meeting request to my husband to do the deed. Pathetic!

On a happier note, I joined up with a local Resolve group in the SF East Bay. Five of us from the group got together last Saturday and a had a hypno.therapist come do a guided meditation/relaxation exercise. She specializes in fertility. The idea is to eliminate the stress in your life to increase your chance of conceiving! Boy did I feel relaxed and good afterwards. I definitely recommend it. 

~Jem

CD 30 - No news

Has it really been a whole week since I posted? Time flies when you are actually working (gasp!) rather than posting. I also re-discovered Twit.ter, so I've been a bit consumed with exploring that whole world. I now get what all the fuss is about. It's very cool. I do have one IRL friend who twe.ets WAY too much. I know that I don't need to let the whole world know where I am at all moments. Not judging, but Geeeze!

On the IF front, no news. It's CD 30, and I think I O'd around day 18. that means I have a couple of days more to wait for CD1. I'm 100% sure that this cycle is a no-go. I have no symptoms, except my regular pre-menstrual crap: irritability, and wanting to eat everything in front of me. B00bies NOT sore. Before IVF, my cycles were regular, 30 days on the dot. Since. Not. Is that normal?

Oh, I did reschedule our WTF appointment. Dr. W is on vacation this week, busy all next week. So, the appointment is for Thur August 26. Hope our other cat doesn't get sick like last time.

Okay, I better get back to work now...

~Jem

CD23

Okay, I had one beer at the game (see last post). No problem there. It's after the game, that I may have over-done it. Ended up sharing bottles (3, I think) of wine with 3 other colleagues on the roof of the building where VP lives (right by the ballpark). And eating soft cheese, too!

Granted, this is so early in the process, that I'm sure I didn't do any harm. What with all the crack-whores who get knocked up, you'd think it wasn't a factor, at least for implantation! Who knows, tho. Mr. Jem's sperm.count is so low (25K) that it may not matter.

We didn't make it to the WTF appointment we were supposed to have the other week, because we had to take Fluffy to the vet. Right then. I finally feel like I could face the smiling Dr. W (not smiling in a good way, more like an insincere "I need to smile at them when I'm tell them complete crap and give them the impression I can help them get pregnant." smile). 

While at the clinic I'm going to ask for my file when we go so we can look for a second opinion. 

We'd love RE recommendations in the San Francisco bay area... if you don't want to post doctor or clinic names in the comments section, feel free to email me at ambivalent dot womb at gmail dot com (but with "." where I wrote out dot).

~Jem

In memory of our sweet Fluffy

On Wednesday, it was clear that Fluffy wasn't feeling well - he was lethargic, but he was scheduled for his annual checkup for Thursday afternoon and figured he could wait. 

Thursday morning we were heading out to our WTF appointment at 9:00 a.m. and Fluffy wouldn't even lift his little head off the floor. The choice was clear. We needed to reschedule our WTF appointment (#3) at the fertility clinic and take Fluffy to the vet, immediately. 

Unfortunately, the local vet's office was totally busy and couldn't see him right away. This was NOT good enough, so we got back in the car and drove over to the emergency vet hospital where we took Sharkey when he was hurt a couple of years ago. They could see Fluffy right away asked that we leave him with them while they draw blood and determine the best course of treatment.

Within hours, we got a phone call from the vet. Fluffy's numbers were off the chart, showing kidney failure (read here for more on this disease). We had them flush his system with IV fluids and retest the next day. We came to visit him at the hospital and he was still very sluggish, but gave Mr. Jem a kiss and purred like crazy when he saw us. He seemed improved and actually got up to to greet us, but he was far from his old, healthy self.

Friday his numbers were only slightly better, but still horrible. The worst part was that he was vomiting. Blood. And not eating. When we visited, it was clear that Fluffy was gone. Instead was a cat that was suffering. His personality was gone, the spark of life was gone. He couldn't lift his head anymore. He was clearly suffering.

The choice was clear, we had to say goodbye.

It was the most terrible day for both me and Mr. Jem. He's never had pets before, or been faced with such a terrible decision. Deciding to put Fluffy to sleep (horrible euphemism, as he isn't sleeping, dammit, he's GONE), was the hardest thing we've ever had to do as a couple.

We love you, Fluffy. You will be missed. There is a hole in our hearts.

Thank you for all your support and loving comments over the past few days. They have meant the world to us.

~Jem

July ICLW

Welcome, dear readers!

I'm Jem. Recently turned 40. Recently went through a second IVF that resulted in a BFN (big fat negative). The first IVF resulted in a chemical pregnancy from the fresh cycle and a sorta-ectopic pregnancy from the frozen cycle.

Tomorrow we have our WTF (what the eff) appointment with our RE (reproductive endocrinologist). Wondering if our options will change, now that we've had some epic fails under our belts. We may not just be dealing with male-factor infertility, as I've not been able to stay pregnant - egg quality issues, perchance?

Emotionally I've been vacillating between hope for whatever is next and numb depression at our situation. I am tracking my cycle this month - not taking my temps (I suck at that), but using the Clear.Blue Easy monitor to see when I ovulate. I'm currently on Day 11 of my cycle. I've never had a problem ovulating in the past, but who knows what all these IVF drugs have done to my system.

Usually I like to ask you all questions, but this time I want YOU  to ask me questions. What else do you want to know about me? 

~Jem

IVF in the news

It's crazy how much IVF is in the news these days, and it's not just celebrities having twins (yes, you, Cel.ine!).

This article is about IVF Associated With Increased Risk for Childhood Cancer - luckily the risk is low.

This article claims there is a way to predict the success of IVF... Really? Sounds too good to be true...

This one is not directly related to IF, but a super-fertile woman with uterus didelphys (she has two uteruses) who is pregnant with two babies conceived and due at different times.

Amazing what Goo.gle News can dig up in an afternoon...

Thursday is our WTF appointment with Dr. W. Any suggestions on questions to ask? I'm so emotionally tired of all this IF BS that my mind is blank... other than, "What went wrong? What are our options? Donor sperm? Donor eggs? Are there additional tests we should run?"

Ideas, oh wise bloggers?

~Jem