dIUI CD2: starting meds

I can't believe I'm starting meds tonight. I'm so very excited. Work is super busy, so I don't have time to post a long message, but promise to do so this weekend. I have a lot to unload about how I feel about doing this cycle.

After work going to see Harry.Potter! Have others of you seen it yet? Did you love it? No spoilers, please! (yes, I read the books, but still).

~Jem

Off to the races!

We had our meeting with Dr. W and as this is cycle day one, we are jumping into a medicated donor IUI, starting with meds tomorrow. 

Wow, this is all happening fast.

For those of you curious what a medicated IUI means... well, we'll be injecting 200 IUs of Follistim daily, with regular monitoring - first one on Tuesday. Unlike IVF, my meds are lower (don't want to make 20 eggs, just 4) and there is no suppression of the cycle at the beginning. No lupron, no BCPs. To make sure we do the IUI at the right time, we will trigger with HCG. So in 9 days I could be triggering!

The bad news: the procedure itself won't be covered by my insurance, as we've already reached our lifetime limit.

The good news: A medicated cycle will only cost us around $1,700 (instead of the $6K I had in my head it would cost) AND my insurance will cover 80% of the cost of the meds. Yippee!

So, we're off! It's exciting and scared at the same time. Our marriage counselor last night was a little alarmed at how fast we were getting back into trying to have a baby just weeks of our marriage being in complete crisis. She has a point, but things are SO different now. Just as long as we are making progress, moving forward, that both our needs are being met, I feel hope! And when I feel hope, I feel renewed commitment to my marriage, renewed connection.

~Jem

Blog crush

Do you believe in love at first sight (or site, in this case)? 

I just developed a blog crush on thesmartness after reading just one post. Go and be in awe.

~Jem

CD -1?

Started spotting this morning... no real flow yet. Called the clinic and luckily we got an appointment with Dr. W for this Thursday (instead of NEXT Friday), that way we can get going on a medicated cycle in August.

I'm so excited!!!!!!! Isn't it nice to have 'Hopeful Jem' back again?!

~Jem

Do-It-Yourself dIUI?

We are getting ready to embark on our first IUI. We'll be using donor sperm. I know it's strange to be doing an IUI after 3 IVFs (+ 1 FET), but we've given up on Mr Jem's swimmers and are ready to try something new (no more IVF for us). If dIUI doesn't work, we'll definitely go the donor egg route.

In the meantime, it's turkey-baster time! Speaking of which, at a recent RESOLVE get-together someone mentioned an at-home service where people (a midwife or someone else) comes to your house to help administer the IUI (a non-medicated, non-monitored cycle, of course).

There's a local service that does this. The idea of conceiving at home sounds WONDERFUL!!! (Isn't that what all us IFers dream of?

Has anyone else gone down that path?

~Jem

Graduating to PG (not me)

Just moved three or four blogs that I follow from the "TTC" list to the "PG" list. I am so happy for these people (and a bit jealous, too). 

What do YOU do with blogs that get that happy news? Delete or un-follow? Keep reading, but read less? No change? Read more?

~ Jem

Nominee for worst mom ever

This woman wanted to sell her baby at Taco Bell.

All I have to say is "Good grief!"

~Jem

Welcome ICLW'ers!

It's been months since I last participated in IComLeavWe. It's good to be back, it's good to be "public" again. I felt disconnected from the IF community -  I missed you all!!

So, for those of you new to my blog, I'm Jem. I'm 41. We've been through 3 fresh IVF, and 1 FET. No more IVF for me, so we're moving on to donor sperm and IUI. I would be willing to use donor eggs, if it came to that.

Mr. Jem and I have been through a rough patch lately, but are on the mend. IF can do a real number on a marriage. Thanks to marriage counseling we are communicating better.

So, that's my story. Please share with me and the other readers a link to a blog or post that meant a great deal to YOU lately.

I chose this post from from IF to when because it resonated with me... motherhood isn't a club (that won't have me at the moment); it's a gift, a responsibility. 

Happy ICLW!

~Jem

A rose is a rose... (was "Ambivalent Womb")

As I go public again I've changed the name of this blog from 'Ambivalent Womb' to 'Ambition: Motherhood.'

I wanted to turn things upside-down and have my blog reflect what's really going on: I really, really really want to be a mother. Nothing ambivalent about that. Okay, I may be ambivalent about other things, but not this.

How do you like the new name?

~Jem

De-lurking...

I want to ask a favor from those of you that joined me while my blog was private.

I'm ready to take my blog public again. I've deleted the most sensitive posts and would like to move on to the next chapter of my life. Mr. Jem and I are working on hard on making our marriage healthy.

I'd need your help, though. I'd like not to refer to the dark time in June. It's just too painful and we need to move on from that.

Hope you can understand and will join forces with me to move to a new era, full of hope and understanding.

Thanks,

~Jem

Vacation plans?

Nothing really new to report. 

Mr. Jem and I are planning out our next vacation. I want to go to the Caribbean in the winter months, he wants to take his mom on an Alaska cruise. 

Where are you going on vacation (or holiday, as they say on the other side of the pond)? If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Here?

 Here?

or here?

~Jem