Monday, December 20, 2010

Dear Dad...

Mr. Jem went for his third SA (3rd in one week) today. The first one had 5 sperm, zero motile, the second had 7 sperm, but at least they were moving (still not good enough). The amazing thing is Mr. Jem is not discouraged. He keeps asking, "When is the ER? How much time do I have?" I reply, "It will be around January 15." He replies, "Oh, good, that's enough time." I love that man so much. He's so courageous, so positive, so loving. He'll be such an amazing dad. It makes me cry to type these words. It's so damn unfair.

I ran across this post about being a dad: Dad's Don't Leave. (Go ahead and give it a read and then come back here. I'll wait...)

The blog post made me cry. I cried because my own dad was there when my mom left me behind to "find herself." Cried because for years my own dad was only a Disney.dad, and then later after I grew up he was so self-absorbed (only calling to ask for $$) that he wasn't a real dad. It's only been in the last couple of years, since he had a life-threatening illness and surgery that he's actually been able to be present in our relationship. Now he has a new life companion and is happy. That makes me happy.

I cried for Mr. Jem while reading that blog, too. Cried because he'll be such a wonderful dad. Cried for the army of great men out there who have been robbed from the opportunity of being dads because of IF. I cried for all of your wonderful men who silently stand by as we go through uncomfortable and invasive medical procedures. They help stick us with sharp needles. They go perform intimate acts in sterile rooms. They agree to testicular biopsies, take hormones, do acupuncture (yes, Mr. Jem did acupuncture!), and take Chinese herbs. They do this without complaint (okay, maybe a little complaining).

They are the quiet heroes in this.

I love you, Mr. Jem and all you Mr. Jems out there!

~Jem

30 comments:

Kakunaa said...

Very powerful post, Jem. It's true. My DH has been amazing, and pushed for using DS so that we could have a baby. Amazing men :)

suchagoodegg said...

This is such an awesome post.

It's so true, our hubs's are silent heroes. We are so lucky we have such amazing partners by our sides every step of the way. Truly amazing, wonderful men. xo

Sarah said...

He will be a wonderful dad! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you all!

ICLW #8

Jennifer Bruno said...

What a sweet post. I really enjoyed it. Clearly, your support for one another will make you such great parents. I am rooting for you both.

Randi said...

Here from ICLW :) Very sweet post. I'm glad you have a wonderful and supportive partner to go through this with you. And his positive attitude in all this probably makes a huge difference. Sending prayers and sticky baby dust to you for your upcoming IVF. Best wishes.

MoonNStarMommy said...

I love my Dad and he was barely present in my life. It's amazing how similar we are though, it's crazy. The whole nature vs. nurture thing, nature won out cuz I'm just like him...

It's wonderful that you know that your husband will make a great father... and I think it's wonderful that even though it took your Dad a long time, that he has changed and realizes what a wonderful thing he has.

Happy ICLW from #37 and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

katherine.greve said...

What a beautiful post! i think that "Dads" often get forgotten about when dealing with infertility. I love how you have honored them here. Happy ICLW and God bless!

Gurlee said...

Ok, why don't I follow you? I have certainly seen your blog but why aren't I reading you all. the. time.
Mr. Jem sounds amazing. Hooray for all the good ones out there!
Good luck :)
ICLW

Damita said...

Aw what a lovely post, Mr Jem sounds amazing, there are good ones out there :)

Conceptionally Challenged said...

I'm glad that Mr Jem is so great -- and so sad he has to show it facing IF, instead of raising a child already. Thinking of you.

Lynn said...

Love this post and that article was fantastic! I think that most men who've gone through IF will be great dads, because they have the foresight of what life is like without having their children in their lives. They know how it feels to miss those things. Good luck to you with your next IVF!

ICLW #92

Catrisha T said...

Very powerful post. I also need a tissue. The two of you will be amazing parents. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers as your ER gets closer. Best of Luck!

ICLW #118

Sarah S said...

Beautiful post!!!

You have an amazing father who will be an amazing day!!

Happy ICLW #50!!

AP said...

Thanks for this. It's a wonderful reminder that my husband find this mess just as confounding and upsetting as I do even if I'm the one who seems to feel it most.

Allison said...

Beautiful, Jem. Simply beautiful.

LisaB said...

Happy ICLW. That was beautiful! Good luck to you!

Wonder Woman said...

Wow. you are blessed to have such a great guy standing by you. And baby or no baby he is lucky to have you.

awomanmyage said...

Great post. Thanks for the link about the dads - I passed it along to my hubby. May the new year bring you your dream!

ICLW

Biz said...

I'm so glad you have such a supportive man! I read Dad's Don't Leave a couple days ago and I just teared up again re-reading it...

arohanui said...

I enjoyed reading your post, you are very blessed to have such love in your life and I wish you all the success possible with your next IVF attempt. Thanks for the link through to Dad's Don't Leave :)
(ICLW#30)

Miss Ruby said...

When I think of our losses, I'm sad for myself but most of all I'm sad for Guvnor because he WOULD be an awesome Dad and it kills me that he may never get to experience just how great he would be.


~Happy ICLW~
#14 http://themissruby.blogspot.com/

~x~
May your Christmas be filled with Peace
&
Your New Year with Hope
~x~

Mrs. Misfits said...

Thanks for sharing this. The Mr.'s dad abandoned him and I cried through that entire post.

Okay, three weeks, I am thinking of you and Mr. Jem and praying for the SA to have lively troops.

Lisa Rouff, Ph.D. said...

What a wonderful post! I think it is important to recognize that the men have it hard too with IF, even if they are more stoic about it. Good luck with your IVF!

Calmly Chaotic said...

Oh such a nice post to read. It is so true that they are truly amazing to be so open to getting tested, taking herbs, going to naturopaths, stick us with needles (and do a needle dance in my case). It is so hard knowing that IF is a reality. Best of luck on your upcoming cycle! I hope this is the one for you!

Mrs. R said...

happy iclw! thank you for the moving post :)

Tina said...

great post. happy iclw!!!

#132

heartincharge said...

What a great post. I'm always thinking about the ways in which my DH doesn't get it when it comes to IF, that I forget to appreciate what I he does do and oh how much money he hhas agreed to let go to this. Thank you for this post and you and Mr. Jem are blessed to have each other.

gingerandlime said...

Mr. Jem sounds like one in a million. I'm sorry to hear about the SA results--but amazed at his positive attitude.

callmemama said...

Wow, I read that article and then wanted to send it to my dad. Maybe then he'd understand why his children have such a hard time thinking of him as a father...
It is so unfair that our husbands aren't fathers yet.

Rebecca said...

Thank you so much for your comment and link to this and the other blog. I'm totally in tears. The timing is just so perfect as I think about my *real* "dad" (stepdad) as opposed to the one who was totally a Disneyland dad -- literally Disney World, actually. I mean, wow, just wow, is all I can say. I can't wait until I go home this weekend and give my stepdad the biggest hug in the world.