I think this post should be mandatory reading here in IF-land - "No Kidding in NZ" does an amazing job discussing those that have been left out of the Post-IF discussion: those living "child-less" or "child-free."
Life after IF - what is it? How can we make the most of whatever happens to us? No matter what our outcome. How do we define ourselves throughout the IF struggle? After "making choices" to abandon treatment?
For us, a year ago we had given up doing any more IVF. We went through a marriage crisis, massive work on our marriage that lead to us trying one more treatment - medicated IUI with donor sperm - which was less invasive and expensive - to positive results.
As recent debate showed us, pregnancy and parenting after IF isn't all unicorn farts and rainbows. As I'm on the eve of real parenthood, I have no idea what awaits me. If we had "chosen to be child-free (ha!)" I would know what my life would be like. Travel, dinner parties, sleeping in. Hmmm... I know couples with children who do travel and throw fabulous dinner parties, so that doesn't HAVE to change...
I've never been one to define myself by motherhood. That said, I really, really, really want to be a mother. I'm absolutely terrified about it, too. Having just had my mother and then my MIL come for week (+) visits, I know we aren't embarking on an easy life. Our lives are about to get much more complicated, messy, painful and rewarding.
I feel like I'm babbling - not enough sleep. MIL is leaving first thing tomorrow, so hopefully things will calm down around here.
I just wanted to make sure you all read NK in NZ's post.