Tuesday, September 20, 2011

8w2d: brutal wait

I'm feeling all my 41 years today. I'm nauseated and dragging. I wake up at 3:00 am every day and have a hard time falling back to sleep. I just ordered one of those side-sleeper pillows on woot-dot-com - maybe it will help me sleep better.

Thursday can't come fast enough.

Oh, and I had a rough meeting today with my boss. He gave feedback on last week's training boot camp that I set up. I thought it went really well, with some things that could have gone better. Him? He gave zero praise, just what didn't work. Brutal. A couple of weeks ago our department did one of those emotional intelligence self-assessment and my boss's lowest score was empathy - no surprise there. As someone who likes to get praise along side honest, constructive criticism, this is hard. I need that pat on the back. To his credit, my boss has been super understanding with all the IF stuff over the past few years, so I shouldn't complain (but I am!).

Thanks for letting me vent.

Now, on the good news side: Mr. Jem has a job interview today! I'm super proud of him. Plus, I really want to be a SAHM, at least initially. I mostly do not want to feel the full burden of supporting our family on my shoulders.

Along that same theme, Mr. Jem cooked the most wonderful meal last night - steak, baked potato and broccoli. I know this sounds simple, but it's important to know that his mother did EVERYTHING for him growing up and his dad was an amazing cook, but super critical, so this is a huge accomplishment. He even agreed to take cooking classes with my aunt so he can make more than steak, boil pasta and make tuna sandwiches.

Progress, not perfection!

Question: How has your significant other (if you have one, or your main source of support) taken on more as you are doing treatment or (hopefully) gotten pregnant, become a mother?



S said...

I am sorry you are feeling crappy. Having just passed out of the first trimester myself, you definitely have my sympathy.

In regard to your question about how my husband has taken on more. . . I must say, my husband is generally a fairly selfish person (he would freely admit this). When we were doing treatment, he didn't really take on much, but since I was hit with all-day nausea and exhaustion starting at 6 weeks, he has been great. He tidies up, gets me meals I can stomach, and generally lets me do nothing in the evenings but lie on the couch. (We have a housekeeper come every two weeks to do the heavier cleaning.)

I fully expect that he will be a very involved father to our twins, too. He has already made plans to take a 12-week FMLA once I return to work to care for them full time.

jjiraffe said...

Baked potato, steak and broccoli is pretty much the best meal ever. Your husband rocks.

My husband was in biz school and working full time when I was pregnant, so he couldn't do anything. It was hard. Now he lets me sleep in on the weekend, which is nice.

Sorry your boss was so critical. That's tough.

Marissa said...

When I was doing treatment, he didn't take on anything extra except on ER and ET days, when I couldn't do anything (and then it was reheating the frozen meals I'd prepared, plus fetching me Gatorade).

But he's done almost all the housework since my HG really kicked in. We fought *a lot* when we first moved in together, because the man couldn't cook or clean worth shit. (Raised with very traditional gender roles, to say the least.) We eventually fell into a pattern of chores, but his did not involve cooking or cleaning the bathrooms or kitchen (except dishes). I can't stomach the smell of any cleaning products right now, so he's taken over all of that. It seems take-out and Costco have taken over all our cooking, but I'm not really eating it anyway, so I can't complain. I'm really amazed at how he's risen to this challenge (and sometimes I do feel a bit guilty).

Heather said...

Best wishes for Thursday!

Honestly, I really lucked out in the husband department. Since having E he has shared in everything--laundry, cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, middle of the night wakings. Really the only thing he does less of is feeding, but that's only because I've got the goods! LOL! He is a pilot, so is home often and has been able to put off overnight trips so far. E is a pretty fussy baby, so I don't know how I'd handle things if he didn't help so much.

Oh and he's still cleaning the litterboxes. A job I couldn't do when I was pregnant.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

The transition for us from a D.I.N.K household to a single income household has been a challenge. Because I'm not contributing to our household income, it's important to me to contribute by planning/spending wisely for our financial outflow.

My Beloved has always been good at helping out around the house (our rule... if you cook, you don't do dishes. And I ALWAYS cook), but he's taken on more at different points when I needed him to. When I was having nursing issues, when I was dealing with PPD, and when I was learning how to control my blood sugars, he stepped up and took on all kinds of extras. He may not clean things the way I would, but it certainly helps.

Allison said...

Ugh, hang in there! It's tough and it sucks, but feeling like crap is a good sign (even though, I'll say it again, it SUCKS).

My Hubby didn't really step up to the plate until after the little guy was born. I felt very alone through infertility and treatment - and even through most of my pregnancy. But since Henry's arrival, Hubby's stepped up incredibly. He's my rock; he listens through the 'baby blues,' talks with me about nursing issues, and after putting in his own long day at work, lets me take a nap when he gets home.

So glad Mr. Jem is coming around, too. I hope you do get to be a SAHM as you'd like!

Anonymous said...

Mr. Jem is more than welcome to cook dinner at my house any time!! McRuger is really good about doing what he can (financially/emotionally) as we move into parenting. He's a real trooper.

Sorry about the boss stuff. I used to have a similar boss and it was awful sometimes. I spent a lot of time imagining him in horrible situations which often featured honey, some ants, and a bear.