8w4d: happiest day of my life (so far)

As you can tell from the title of this post, our ultrasound this morning went well. The baby measured between 8w3d and 8w5d (exactly where we are). The heartbeat was going strong at 164 beats per minute. I tried to record the sound, but my i.Pod didn't work. The nurse said we'll get a DVD of when the OB sono in 2 weeks.

I've officially graduated from the clinic. (Pinch me, is this really happening???)

Both Mr. Jem and I are over the moon. Excited and a bit stunned that this pregnancy appears to be viable and progressing. I keep bursting in to tears. When the checker at the grocery store asked me how my day was going I said, "Best day ever." And then I had to tell him why. I couldn't keep it in. I know it's too soon to tell people, but I couldn't NOT! Can you blame me!

ICLWelcome!

Is it that time again? Really? Time flies when you don't have a little one to watch grow up and to mark the time. I remember when I was a little girl my grandma said, "When you get older time accelerates until it seems you're having breakfast every 15 minutes." I'm not quite there, but I understand what she said.

I've been at this TTC thing since 2006, but only got doctors involved a couple of years ago. For my full, detailed timeline, check out the tab above titled "The Journey so far" - sorry to be lazy, but to retype the whole thing would take pages!

Tomorrow I have my next ultrasound (at 8 weeks, 4 days). I'm super nervous, as we've never been this far in the process. Plus things are very busy at work. I'm trying so hard (hate that word "try") to keep my stress level down.

Oh, and an update on Mr. Jem's job interview from yesterday. They offered him the position. Now to decide if it's the best thing for our family. The pluses: it's in an industry that Mr. Jem is very passionate about (sports), it's a sales job, which means he can make money. The minuses: it's a start-up, 100% commission and initially no benefits. Does this make sense for him to take? Could he work there for three months and still apply for bigger places with health insurance and other benefits, but from the better position of actually having a job?

I'm really proud of him for getting this offer and I know he feels really good. But is this job the best thing for our (growing) family?

Is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush?

~Jem

8w2d: brutal wait

I'm feeling all my 41 years today. I'm nauseated and dragging. I wake up at 3:00 am every day and have a hard time falling back to sleep. I just ordered one of those side-sleeper pillows on woot-dot-com - maybe it will help me sleep better.

Thursday can't come fast enough.

Oh, and I had a rough meeting today with my boss. He gave feedback on last week's training boot camp that I set up. I thought it went really well, with some things that could have gone better. Him? He gave zero praise, just what didn't work. Brutal. A couple of weeks ago our department did one of those emotional intelligence self-assessment and my boss's lowest score was empathy - no surprise there. As someone who likes to get praise along side honest, constructive criticism, this is hard. I need that pat on the back. To his credit, my boss has been super understanding with all the IF stuff over the past few years, so I shouldn't complain (but I am!).

Thanks for letting me vent.

Now, on the good news side: Mr. Jem has a job interview today! I'm super proud of him. Plus, I really want to be a SAHM, at least initially. I mostly do not want to feel the full burden of supporting our family on my shoulders.

Along that same theme, Mr. Jem cooked the most wonderful meal last night - steak, baked potato and broccoli. I know this sounds simple, but it's important to know that his mother did EVERYTHING for him growing up and his dad was an amazing cook, but super critical, so this is a huge accomplishment. He even agreed to take cooking classes with my aunt so he can make more than steak, boil pasta and make tuna sandwiches.

Progress, not perfection!

Question: How has your significant other (if you have one, or your main source of support) taken on more as you are doing treatment or (hopefully) gotten pregnant, become a mother?

~Jem

Psychedelic Sock It To Me!

A HUGE thank you to the one who sent me these awesome socks:

Aren't they gorgeous?! They definitely lifted my day!

I don't know who the person was who sent them, but THANK YOU!!

What is "Sock It To Me"? It's the brainchild of Roxy Saucebox over at The Smartness. She's done this before. The idea is to send fun socks (or office supplies) to someone and receive a fun package of the same from someone else! I never buy fun socks for myself, so this was a treat.

The theme for this year was:  
It has been roughly a year and a half since the last SITM Exchange. Reflect on the past 18 or so months – how has support from others, either in the blogosphere or otherwise, helped you? 


Here's what I've been up to:

• Feb 2010: recovered from 2nd ectopic pregnancy (Methotrexate anyone?) from my FET and the passing of my dear grandma and my lovely cat Fluffy (three losses in a row, splendid!)
• Spring and Summer 2010: time off of treatment
• Fall 2010: prepare for IVF #3 with Dr. Z
• Jan 2011: IVF #3 = BFN, no frosties. Total heartbreak. Stop treatment
• Spring 2011: no treatment
• Summer 2011: marriage crisis and begin marriage counseling and rebuilding my marriage
• Aug 2011: Hail Mary donor sperm IUI = BFP! High betas (twins?)
• Sept 2011: First U/S: singleton sighted!! 2nd U/S: heartbeat
• Current: 8w1d pregnant. Next U/S on Thursday. Hoping the little one is sticking around.

It's been a real roller-coaster of a couple of years. I have to thank my Resolve leader for encouraging me (over and over) to go for donor sperm IUI. She helped give me hope when I had given up entirely.

~Jem

7w3d: limbo (again)

Seeing that heartbeat last week lifted a huge weight off me, lifted me out of a

fog I've been in for years now. A fog of longing and frustration. I
just don't want this to end. I'm constantly moving myself back to a
state of "I don't know" because otherwise my imagination takes me to
extremes: day-dreaming about who will be with me for the birth to
certainty that the heartbeat has stopped. Not good.

Otherwise only symptoms are very sore boobs. Very little nausea and
only occasionally. Tiny cramping. No more spotting since week 4/5 (I'm
now in week 7!). My next u/s is next Thur.

Doing well, busy week at work. Great distraction.

~Jem

6w4d: U/S and Heartbeat!!!

During today's ultrasound everything looked much clearer and Mr. Jem and I could see and hear the heartbeat (measured 117 beats per minute)!

I cried (tears of joy) the whole appointment. 

Here's a blurry scan of what we saw:

The nicest thing was the congratulations and hugs from the nurses, the u/s techs, and our favorite our acupuncturist after the appointment. 

So exciting!

Next appointment is in 2 weeks for our 8 week scan. Then we graduate to the OB. I've already made the appointment (I hope I didn't jinx things!!!).

~Jem

6w2d update

It's so bizarre typing those numbers and letters together: 6w2d = 6 weeks, 2 days pregnant.

Spotting has virtually stopped. B00bies still mega-sore. No real nausea yet. I am more tired, but that could just be all the stress. Over the long weekend I took a nap every day. Sunday I slept for 2 whole hours in the afternoon. 

The long weekend was great - it was lovely to see my parents, to eat amazing food - we picked blueberries and then made blueberry pie. We picked fresh corn and had it with dinner that night - THE BEST!

Oh, and we even made Padron Peppers, using a recipe from Rain. Yummy! Thanks again to Rain for this wonderful snack!

What did you do over the long weekend to pamper yourself?

~Jem

5w5d u/s

Good news!

For what the nurse could see, we have one clear yolk sac. No sign of pregnancy elsewhere (whew!).

Brown spotting is normal. All is well. Next u/s in 6 days.

Gotta run to the airport. Wanted to make sure you were updated.

~Jem

U/S tomorrow

The clinic called back. I didn't hear directly from Dr. W, but, given my spotting and cramps, he wants me to come in tomorrow morning for an ultrasound. 

An u/s 4 days early? An u/s so I don't spend the whole long weekend worrying? You bet I'll take it. Yippee!

I wasn't able to take the 11:00 a.m. appointment with Dr. W because Mr. Jem and are flying north to Oregon to visit my parental units at noon tomorrow. A nurse practitioner do the u/s at 8:30.

It will be a relief to know what's going on in there.

Still in "I don't know mode" and keeping zen(-ish)...

~Jem

Perfectly normal

Yesterday, Nurse J called me back right at 5:00 p.m., just as I was packing up to leave work. She said the light spotting is perfectly normal - I had a ton of follicles and the spotting might be from cysts, the fluid retained in the follicles. She also said was that each pregnancy is different and they often hear of spotting.

My regular nurse, the lovely Nurse S will call me back sometime to day to see how I'm doing. This morning the spotting is super light, lighter today than yesterday afternoon when it started. I am still experiencing cramping, tho, which I don't like. It feels more like period cramping, in the middle, as opposed to the twinges I've been feeling on the sides (ovaries?) up until now.

I can't help but worry. Plus work is super stressful, with a huge revision of our training program rolling out on Sept 12 - and it's all on me if it's a success or not. No pressure!

~Jem