Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Our memorial day was capped off by a visit to my husband's father's graveside, for the unveiling of his headstone (a Jewish tradition). Very moving to see the beautiful cemetary in the summer, all green and gorgeous, rather than under 4 feet of snow like we saw it last in Feb when we buried him. It was a short ceremony (20 min), with those present speaking about H (my FIL) and the impact he had on our lives and how we would remember him, then the reading of a poem (I'll post it soon, as it's very applicable to IF loss) and a prayer in Hebrew.

Husband's sister freaked out and refused to come because the service wasn't when she wanted it to be (it's been planned for a month and half) and we wouldn't change it last minute to accommodate her. We flew out to the East Coast for a friend's wedding in NJ (we had blast) and Mr. Jem wanted to have the unveiling on Memorial Day, because his father was a veteran and it's the only time we'll be out here in MA this summer. In her anger, my SIL told her mother to F-off, insulted my husband, calling him lazy and selfish and I had the pleasure of being called an "f'ing c-word" (but the two actual words) for the first time in my life, even though I had nothing to do with the whole situation. Every time we come to Massachusetts to visit we have drama with her. 12 years of this crap. Mr. Jem is cutting her off. I wonder how long this will last. If I ever see my SIL again, I'll be sure to show her what real "c*nt-y" behavior is like. "Oh, hi, L, have you gained weight?" Then I'll ignore her. (Okay, I probably won't say those things, but I do expect an apology before I ever see her again).

Despite the drama we went ahead with the ceremony, then had Chinese food at my FIL's favorite restaurant. It was lovely. Mr. Jem has only recently really begun mourning his father's loss. If you remember, we lost him the same week we learned that our third and last IVF failed back in February.

I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day.



TeeJay said...

So sorry for the drama. That really sucks. I'm glad you were able to make the best of a bad situation and that Mr. Jem is beginning the healing process. Hugs to you both. And PS - I think the C word is probably the worst name someone can be called and for someone to actually think it's ok to say it to another woman?? Pathetic behavior.

Anonymous said...

Ugggh, drama! I am so sorry that you had to deal with that in addition to the loss that Mr. Jem is feeling. Sounds like SIL needs to take a chill pill.

I am glad to hear that the ceremony and Chinese food went well!!

We should get together soon!!

Poppet said...

Ah, the joy of the annual visit to the out-laws.

Well, nothing like being called the C-word to remind you how nice it is that you live 3000 miles away!

You clearly know it's her, not you. But in case you'd like to read it... it's true!

Then again, if being called being an F-C empowers you to act like one, maybe you should run with it?

linda said...

Despite the drama of being called the FC combo and all, it sounds as though your husband conducted a very fitting ceremony for you FIL. And to cap it off with his favorite Chinese restaurant would surely put a smile on his face.

I wonder if his sis is just plain mad (as in crazy), or is she reacting to something that you have no ideas on. Is there anyone in your hubby's family that has axes to grind with you two? Maybe someone's filled her head with crap and she's running with it? So sorry you had to deal with this crap of hers at a time like this.

Adele said...

So sorry you had to deal with your SIL and her idiocies. But the unveiling sounds lovely.

(That was a very, very hard week for you and Mr. Jem.)

Anonymous said...

Wow, Memorial Day has a whole different meaning for you all! What a rough time with the SIL. So childish and pathetic. :(