Caffeine?

I wanna be a MI.LF!

The following scene played out in the kitchenette at work.

Her: Oh, Jem, you look nice today.

Me: Thanks. I'm going to the company holiday party after work and wanted to dress up.

Her: Oh, I won't be making it. 

Me: Going home to the baby?

Her: Yay. Enjoy the freedom!

Me: Enjoy the baby.

I'm not making this up. This woman has no idea of our struggle to conceive. She was jealous of me being able to go to the dumb corporate event. I would trade anything to be in her shoes, going home to a baby.

Then I noticed how slim she is. She gave birth mere months ago? How does she do it? Is it a fertile only thing? Made me realize I may never be a MI.LF. I'll be too old (Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get my point.

Oh, and here is my updated calendar:

• Hum.ira injection 12/15, 12/29
• Last pill 12/31
• Estradiol & ultrasound @ Z clinic1/2
• Start micro dose injections 1/3
• Start fsh injections 1/5
• Intralipid infusion 1/6
• Estradiol, prolatin, NK, TH & ultrasound @ Z clinic 1/11
• Estimated retrieval 1/15-1/18 
• Estimated transfer 1/18-23

~Jem

Dates?

Still haven't heard back from the Z clinic if we can do 28 days of BCP instead of 21. I sure hope so. Today I'm scheduled for my first Hu.mira shot - not sure how to proceed.

For those of you out there wondering about the whole 3-day or 5-day transfer, which is best, check out this post.

Nothing else to report except I'm getting my hair trimmed today (exciting, no?).

~Jem

For Emily + Antral follicle count + Plan w/ Dates!

For Emily
The first part of this post is for Emily, who commented on my last post. Emily is embarking on her first IVF. I didn't see that you had a blog, so I thought I'd answer your questions directly in my blog. Oh, and I'm touched you read my whole blog. It's been quite a year.

First off, Emily, don't be scared or freaked out by IVF. It will be okay. Yes, it's a big deal. Yes, the injections are intimidating at first, but you do get used to them. It can be daunting to receive a big box of drugs and needles. The nurses will teach you what to do. You will also rely on your husband/SO like you have never done before. Yes, it is surgery and all of it IS major. 


You can do this. It does help to know that there are a ton of us out here for you who understand and have been through it all. Oh, and if you insist on being freaked out, that's okay, too. You read my blog. I have had moments of pure terror. Perfectly normal.

Regarding clinics. The quality of the clinics in the SF Bay area are all good. Just because the clinic I used before didn't get us a baby, doesn't mean it isn't a great clinic with lots of BFPs. I would go back to them to do a donor egg cycle, if it came to that. I really like the people there and the doctors are great. Write to me at ambivalent.womb @ gmail. com and I'll tell you where I went. Just because it didn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't work for you.

We ARE putting our "last chance IVF" in the hands of Dr. Z. We finally met him on Saturday for my antral follicle count and really liked how he does all his own U/S and really took time with us without feeling rushed. He answered our questions. Mr. Jem wanted to know why he estimated only a 20% chance of us getting pregnant. he explained that from 38 to "not yet 40" women have around a 40% chance and it drops to 20% for women who are between 40 and "not yet 43." He also exuded confidence that we will be "treating aggressively" my Natural Killer Cells and other auto-immune issues.

Antral follicle count
I know you are all dying to know, right? 8 follies on the right and 7 on the left. I think he was expecting more and changed his initial guess at my protocol from Long Lup.ron to Micro dose Lu.pron protocol. I've already started BCP (oh, the irony) and the antibiotics. Mr. Jem will be making a deposit (to be analyzed and frozen) this coming Sunday.

Plan with dates
Here's the proposed calendar - we may do 28 days on BCP instead of 21 so we can have a bit of a vacation first over the holidays.

• Start Ci.pro both partners 12/5
• Back up semen sample @ the clinic 12/12
• Hum.ira 12/7, 12/21
• Birth control pills 12/4-12/24 (or 12/28 pushing the rest of the dates back by 1 week)
• Estradiol & ultrasound @ ZFC 12/26
• Start micro dose injections 12/27
• Start fsh injections 12/29
• Intralipid infusion @ the clinic 12/30
• Estradiol, Prolactin, NK, TH & ultrasound @ the clinic 1/4
• Estimated retrieval 1/8-11
• Estimated transfer 1/11-16 

We have a plan, ladies and gentlemen! A real plan!

~Jem

Falling apart?

The acupuncture yesterday helped only temporarily. I've been a raging beotch with Mr Jem for the past three days. This morning, after apologizing for him for the 15th time, I got up, went to work and only when I got to work did I realize that I forgot both deodorant and to put on my makeup. What? Why would I forget to do that? 

I feel like my world is slipping. This "prepping for IVF" has my head spinning.

Okay, I have to get back to work and actually GET SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED, dammit!

~Jem

CD1: take 3 (fer shizzle) - Updated

She's here!!!!!!! AF is here! The game is on!

Had a stressful crap day yesterday. The tension of waiting for AF was too much can you say PMS? Got home and my hum.ira rx was waiting for me. Only it needed to be refrigerated - I freaked out bcs Mr Jem should have seen the sticker on the box. I opened it up, and it was barely cold. Freak out. It should have been delivered yesterday, but he didn't hear the delivery guy knock. I'm afraid the cold chain was compromised. What to do?

Going to set my scan appointment today. Excited! Do I go back to acupuncture? it might help with my stress level. Oh, speaking of which, I bought and downloaded the Cirle and Bloom IVF meditation series. Like it, but still feel totally stressed.

-Jem

Update: Freedom.Pharmacy is reshipping my order, no questions asked (yay!). I went and had acupuncture, plus an abdominal massage. Feel like 100 bucks.

CD1: take 2

Okay, I thought yesterday would be CD1, but I was wrong. Just rusty spotting. Today looks the same. I've already made my antral follicle count appointment with Z Clinic for tomorrow... Might need to reschedule unless AF shows up. Pronto. I'm surprised it's not here already. Monday I had my typical PMS headache and moodiness. (No, I'm not PG, physically impossible!!!!)

Went to my local Resolve meeting yesterday. It was a little hard to be around so many people who are struggling with IF. Three of the six people there were embarking on donor egg cycles after 4 or 5 IVFs . One had lost her fetus at 21 weeks to a fluky infection. The other was contemplating living child-free. Egad. And then there was me, embarking on IVF #3, trying to stay hopeful. Gulp.

So, I need your positive thoughts - for this cycle, for AF to come in earnest now. 

Thank you all for your warm welcome back. I will be blogging and commenting much more now that I'm cycling.