Bride of Frankenstein

Mr. Jem got back from Boston last night. He was there for a whole week, visiting his ailing parents. I really missed him all week, but when he got home, he was so tired and still recovering from spending so much time with his parents that he was emotionally unavailable to me. Plus, it was one day after Ovulation, and, despite having given him plenty of warning ahead of time, he was "too tired" for intimacy (not the first time I've heard this).

I freaked.

All my anger that we can't conceive naturally came out. I cried and cried.

"Why can't this be easy for us? Why do I have to go through medical procedures (IVF with ICSI) when HE'S the one with a problem?!! Why? Why? Why?!"

Luckily, things looked way more rosy this morning. He called me at work and apologized for being distant and hurting me. I apologized for freaking out.

Happy ending (sorta!! We'll see when I get home tonight! LOL)

Jem

Maiden Voyage

"... One giant step for
(wo)mankind!"

Call me Jem.

I'm a married woman, age 39. My husband D and I have been TTC since January 2007. Nada.

We finally went for fertility testing May 2008. Me? All good to go (FHS levels at 6.6). Him? Not so good. Very, very low sperm count. 100,000! Dr. L, my OB/GYN, even asked, "Did your husband ever have chemo?" Nope. His family does have a history of low sperm count. It took his parents years to conceive.

A year went by, life went by. D was finally ready to face fatherhood again and did sperm analysis again in May 2009. Good news, sperm count up! Bad news, not up enough (600K is still low, when "normal" >5 million!)

I immediately scheduled an appointment at a Fertility Clinic with Dr. W, recommended by Dr. L.

Only option open to us if we want a baby with both our DNA? Invitro Fertilitization.

We'll start our IVF first cycle mid-September 2009.

This blog is to catalog my journey towards conception.

"What's this 'ambivalent womb' thing?" you ask. It's about the mixed feelings (ranging from total excitement to abject terror) I have about motherhood, the ups and downs about being "fertility challenged."

I am happy to know that there's a whole community of women (and men?) out there in the interweb to share with.

Jem

P.S. Wow, this is blogging? Really? What took me so long? It's so much easier than I ever imagined.