While at lunch today with two friends with babies, I actually heard these two cliches:
One friend asked, "So is Rosie on solids yet?"
Me: "No, she's not yet 5 months. We're in no hurry."
Her: "You should." She then lectured me one why. I'm the only one still breast-feeding plus, really?!? Are you my doctor?!? Why are moms in such a hurry?
Next cliche - same friend: "You have to let her cry it out. If she cries when you put her down she's trying to manipulate you."
Me: "No, it just means she wants to be held."
I thought those cliches were dead. Good grief.
What cliche/myth have you heard lately?
~Jem
10 comments:
Hi Jem! I havent' commented in forever, but I've been following along and just wanted to pipe up and wish you a belated Congratulations!
Plus, I'm with you on the cliches. The most important things for us is to go with our gut and when we have questions we ask the pediatrician. Everybody has advice and suggestions and cliches, but when it comes right down do it there is no one answer. Do what works for you and ignore the rest.
When N was 11 months old, my mom was on me about starting solids. I wasn't ready to give up my cuddle time with him and his bottle and he didn't seem interested in solids. By 13 months we were both ready and it went smoothly. Why the rush at 11 months?? Or 5 months?? Who cares? Do what feels right!
:)
Totally hear ya. I have a friend who has a baby that's 3 weeks older than my daughter. She put hers on solids at 4 months. (He's now 7 1/2 months.) Every few days she would ask me "have you started her on solids yet?" Um, no, she's barely 3 months old! (at that time) She asked me literally every few days for about a month. We finally did start around 5 months, because I had a cold for the 6 weeks prior to that and she caught it too, and her weight gain started to slow way down (6 oz in 1 month). So now she's gained 1 pound in the past month, but if it wasn't for the illness/significant slowdown in weight gain, I probably would've waited the full 6 months.
And the crying thing - ugh! When my daughter was about 2 1/2 months old, we were over at my in-laws having dinner, and DH and I wound up having to take turns with one of us holding her while the other ate in order to keep her from crying. My FIL asked "aren't you ever going to let her cry it out?" We just said that we thought she was still a little young for that and he did let the issue drop, but I was silently thinking "Even if we were to take that approach, we wouldn't do it 1) at the dinner table, regardless of whether we're in a personal home rather than a restaurant, 2)where there are 8 other people, and 3) including R's 2 siblings and a fiance, all of whom aren't interested in having children and aren't particularly interactive with our daughter..."
I know there are some parents who do the CIO method and it works for them, but our daughter is actually a pretty easy sleeper, and I've found that if she is crying, there's almost always a specific reason for it that isn't going to be resolved by simply letting her cry. But I realize we've been fortunate in that respect. If she was still getting up every 2-3 hours during the night and I was walking around like a sleep-deprived zombie, it would probably be a very different story...
Anyway, hang in there and keep doing what is right and what is working for you and your daughter despite what your friends say.
My mother in law was once giving me a hard time because she said I held my newborn "too much" and that I would "spoil" him. I held my MIL in high esteem and wanted to please her but the thought of not being able to hold my snuggly baby bothered me and I brought it up to my mother. She told me "He will only be this age one time in his life. Soon he will want to get down and crawl or walk and you will never get this time back. Hold him as much as you can and appreciate every moment" so I followed her advice and just like she said soon he was pushing and squirming to get down and I was glad I had those memories of just holding him and staring at him. He is now almost 17 years old and I do not believe he has ever been spoiled in any way.
Do what your instincts tell you and enjoy every moment of every age. It goes by too fast
The solids thing is amazing. I don't plant on rushing. I just nod and tell people, "why yes, x is what I should do."'as they are usually not interested in the debate, just wanting to pass on the random shit they think is the right thing to do. It's vexing, for sure.
Oh, the unsolicited advice and dogma people spew about parenting...
My BFF who has three beautiful boys and I whom respect as a parent, told me that if I didn't let Leah CIO, I'd pay for it later - "She'll be a terrible sleeper!"
I blew her off. NEVER did CIO, and still don't. I pick up Leah whenever she wants me. She sleeps 12 hours a night, and takes two naps a day. Goes down like a champ every time...
Keep doing your thing mama!
We're now entering the new territory of "potty training cliches." OH YIPPEE. But, as others have said - keep at what you believe in! Nobody knows Rosie better than you and Mr. Jem.
People are ALWAYS spouting off what they think is best. I started saying, "oh, is that what worked for you? I'll keep that in mind, but so far, this is what is working for us." and if they won't let up, I follow it with "it sure is amazing how different every kid is, huh?"
I haven't gotten much assvice lately, and it's been nice. Hm. Either my response above worked, or I'm not talking about my kid enough! LOL
People have such different views of how motherhood should be done, don't they? I'm sure lots of people could argue with how we are doing things (pretty much the babies get what the babies want), but I don't let it bother me. I'm just doing what feels right for me. What I don't get is people feeling like they need to tell you how to do stuff, like their way is best. That makes no sense to me. I would never try to push my ways on someone else.
Every parent handles these milestones differently, and I don't think it's okay for other parents (or non parents) to judge us for it. I think the craziest thing I had another parent tell me is that if I didn't use a crib bumper, my son wouldn't sleep...because he was bumping his head. Ummmm? No.
Ugh, I hate the assvice! All of a sudden people think they are expert parents because they had one or two kids. My great aunt had 14 kids and told my mom once (who had 6) that until you've had 4 you shouldn't be allowed to give advice, lol. Kids are all so different - personalities, temperaments, etc. What works for one won't necessarily work for another, and people who get "easy" babies pat themselves on the back for their "great parenting". Ha.
You do what works for you and your daughter and just nod and smile whenever you get some assvice :).
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