Sunday, May 13, 2012

My First Mother's Day (updated picture)

Truly the best mothers day ever. My parents are here visiting. I couldn't ask for more help and support. And I totally need it. I live in a strange twilight world, feeding her, changing her, gazing at her tiny features, drinking her very presence up every moment. I have no time for anything else. My life before included work (commute, intellectual and adult conversation, challenges), blogging, commenting on your blogs, reading books, enjoying a slew of favorite TV shows, cuddling my cat, sleep.

No more. 

My world now: lack of sleep, deep gratitude, abject terror that something horrible will happen to little Rosie. At her two week Pediatric checkup last Thursday she still wasn't back up to her birth weight (she'd lost 13% of her weight), so I've been pumping 4 times a day (during the day - can't face those fiendish, always hungry cones at night) to supplement her sleepy breastfeeding. What do I mean, sleepy? Instead of nursing for 20 minutes, she lingers for around an hour, lazily nursing and just enjoying herself. Let's just say that if you have to nurse every two or three hours and one hour of that time is the nursing, plus another 10 for burping and changing, then 15 for pumping and 10 for cleanup, going pee, that doesn't leave much time for "just sleep when baby does." I'm exhausted, folks. Grateful, happy, terrified with a twinge of bored thrown in. Please don't judge me. It's just that this cycle goes on and on and on.

The good news is that I have this wonderful gift. Rosie.



(This is from 10 days ago, but gives you an idea of her cuteness)

Okay, better get back to it. Birth story to follow, eventually.

~Jem.

18 comments:

Lulu said...

Oh, the photo didn't work, and I SO want to see what she looks like!

TeeJay said...

Good to hear from you! I can't wait to read the birthstory. I'm very disappointed that I can't see the picture, though. :-(

mekate said...

Sometimes I would pump before feeding and get it the heck over with, and then "reward" myself with feeding! You're doing everything right-- new baby time is intense beyond imagining. Consuming. Cannot wait to see Rosie!
xo
kate

nurslouisa said...

Oh man I remember those days! Exhausting, and then people would tell me helpful stuff like "it'll get better!" when? Cause I want to mark that day on my calendar! Having said that, it will actually get better around 3 months as you will adjust to getting no sleep and then be SO grateful when she does start sleeping more and you pump less. Hang in there!

S said...

Aww, what a little cutie! (Glad you updated the photo, as I couldn't view the first one.)

Take care of yourself, Jem.

Chickenpig said...

Ooooh she is so cute. Did you get the hat? Happy Mother's day to you.

Oak said...

Oh. She is sweet baby perfection. Such contentment on your face. Love the photo. Love.

Adele said...

Lovely, lovely baby. And lovely mama. That's a beautiful photo. Sending you many, many congratulations.

Audrey said...

Congrats! She is beautiful!

One Who Understands said...

Oh Jem she is BEAUTIFUL! And you are just glowing with love. Can't wait to hear her birth story. Congrats!

bunny said...

Oh my loooooord, what a perfect little creature. She is absolutely beautiful, and you're looking pretty good yourself. I'm so happy she's here.

I think it was about the two week mark when the reality of being a milk machine set in. And mine was a fast nurser. So I hear you on the little bit bored.

Kelly Graham said...

I'm so happy for you, and hoping you'll get more rest as she gets older. I'm right behind you--another 10 days, tops.

callmemama said...

Happy Mother's Day! She is just precious :).
Isaac took a full month to get back to his birthweight - the doc told me it was most likely due to his birthweight being artificially higher because of the IV fluids. More fluid = more to lose right after birth. He's never had trouble gaining weight since, so hopefully you'll have a similar experience :).

hopingforababy said...

She is just beautiful. Congratulations! You will find sleep eventually,,,, and she will only amaze and capture you more and more each day.

Sooz said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about the lack of sleep. Sounds like she's a gourmet and likes to enjoy her meals to the fullest! It's all worth it, though, isn't it?

She is absolutely beautiful! You did good, mommy!

Kristen {www.buckupbuttercup.net} said...

Gorgeous picture...you and your daughter both look so beautiful!
I know exactly what you mean with feeding and pumping not having any time left over. It's hard but good for you for making such an effort!
And I had really bad anxiety for the first 6 weeks or so, and then it dissipated. Hope the same happens for you but your OB can help if need be...I heard a lot about postpartum depression but not about postpartum anxiety, which I now know is also fairly common.
Can't wait to hear your birth story!

Lavender Luz said...

She is beautiful and you are radiant. Happy belated Mother's Day!

And also, congratulations on your gorgeous daughter.

jjiraffe said...

She and you are beautiful! Congratulations :)