When I announced my pregnancy a couple of months ago, two friends generously volunteered to throw me a baby shower. I was told all I have to do is pick a date and supply a list of names (+addresses).
Well, not so easy.
Both these friends live in small apartments, so then the shower was going to be at my house (great, I get to clean!!? Thanks!). Then the parade of questions: "What colors do you like? Do you want a theme? what type of food should we have?"
I thought as the mom-to-be I was just supposed to show up, smile a lot and leave (with lots of loot and good memories).
Fast forward to last Wednesday, during our couples counseling (yes, we are still going) Mr. Jem and I are talking about the shower and how he wants his mother there - I agree, but we live in a smallish house and my mom will be there,too. How do we make this work?
At that session I came to a sudden and tearful revelation.
I don't want a baby shower.
I never wanted a shower, but had only bowed to social pressure. In fact Jewish tradition (superstition?) is that you have a party once the baby arrives - for the bris or circumcision if it's a boy, or for the baby naming (Hebrew name) if it's a girl.
On a deeper level, there's still part of me (about 5%) that is still skeptical that we'll have a real, take-home baby. Given that it's taken us over two years to get to this point (I know, not that long if the IF community, but you know what I mean), I know first hand that much can and could go wrong. Despite the fact that I've had a relatively easy pregnancy (ha! pg isn't easy, but my experience has been easier than most), there's a little voice in my head that is listing everything that could go wrong. (Of course the other 95% of me loves being pregnant, loves the attention that I get being pregnant, feels filled with love and is all glow-y and shit.)
I also remember dreading and reluctantly going to baby showers and just couldn't see myself having one for me. The shower was scheduled for Sat, March 10th, which is the during my last month of work.
I was dreading my own shower, folks. Not good.
So I said, "No. The invites haven't gone out yet, so let's just cancel." Mr. Jem agreed.
The new plan is to throw a party AFTER the baby comes to introduce her to family and friends. It will be in May or June (with the help of those friends who volunteered for the shower). I'm even thinking of having it catered by my favorite Mexican restaurant, so it's super easy.
That way the WHOLE family can be there (I can organize the comings and goings of the mothers) and I won't feel stressed.
Hugh sigh of relief.
Of course I really need to deal with these feelings of doom and gloom and disbelief about actually taking home a baby. I much rather do that here on this blog, with my own therapist, or talking to Mr. Jem. It's all been rather overwhelming. The pressure of a shower wasn't helping, either.
Next post: Childbirth classes (oh, my!).