Ambition: Motherhood

29 week update

2012-02-17T11:05:00.001-08:00

Pregnancy update and pic... feel free to skip.

Total Weight Loss/Gain: I'm up to 179.5 lbs. My goal is to eat well and gain only 3 lbs per month. Here's a pic.

Maternity Clothes: 100% - Some of the tops are getting too tight! Keeping them for after the birth.

Stretch marks: Nope. Ligna negra = yes.

Sleep: Dodgy. See symptoms and medical concerns below.

Movement: Steady kicks, especially in the morning and at night after eating dinner. We're talking minor earthquakes. Mr. Jem can finally feel them!

Cravings/Aversions: I'm getting my sweets cravings under control. I still don't want to eat slabs of chicken.

Gender: It's (still) a Girl!

Symptoms: Suffering from swollen and red hands and feet - I have cankles! I'm wearing shoes one full size bigger than before. Lots of aches and pains in my back. No charlie horses lately (knock on wood). I'm still really tired from the anemia. All I want to do is sleep in the afternoon. My cold is finally getting better, but I still have wicked coughing bouts. Monday I went to the chiropractor because my left ribs hurt. She said she thought I fractured my ribs and taped them, which helps. That night I coughed so hard that I actually threw up and peed. At the same time. (Sorry, TMI)

What I miss: sleeping through the night, but that won't happen for a long time.

What I look forward to: Meeting my baby girl!

Moods: Tired and super excited and happy to be expecting.

Milestones: I just want to not be working anymore. I'm looking forward to the baby classes.

Medical concerns: Anemia, constipation, fatigue. Aching back and piercing pain in my ribs when I cough and when I try to get comfortable for sleep, which makes sleep even more difficult.

Sex?: Nope.

Misc: Relieved not to be having a baby shower. Looking forward to my mom's visit in March. Hopefully she'll help me go shopping for baby gear - I.kea, here we come!

~Jem

Signing up for childbirth classes (gulp!)

2012-02-11T12:29:00.000-08:00

One thing I've been struggling is all the things that need to get done BEFORE this baby is born and my deep-seeded belief that something will go wrong and ruin it all (sound familiar?).

So, I've been agonizing about which childbirth classes to take. I finally bit the bullet and signed up for 4 classes through the hospital where we will be giving birth.

I'm posting them here on this blog, because it will magically make this whole surreal thing that much real:

Childbirth: This practical approach to childbirth is offered in one-day SaturdayClass or a two-session weekday class, depending on location. In this programyou will learn about the labor process, pain management basics, and what toexpect on the big day. Prepared Childbirth is designed for couples who enjoyin-class instruction and interacting and learning with other couples.
Breastfeeding YourInfant: This class, taught by a lactation expert, explores theadvantages and benefits of breastfeeding and discusses nutrition, positionsthat are comfortable, common problems, pumping and storage of breast milk. (Yes, Mr. Jem is coming with me!!!)
CPR - Infant &Child CPR & Safety: This is a class you cannot afford to miss! Join us for ahands-on session that will provide you the opportunity to practice with CPRmannequins.
Newborn Care: Explore the essential information and skills you’ll need tofeel confident and prepared for your newborn’s care. Learn basic diapering,feeding and bathing techniques.

Hopefully, attending these classes will make thing more tangible and real. I just feel so darn overwhelmed.

~Jem

Baby Shower blues

2012-02-10T13:28:00.000-08:00

When I announced my pregnancy a couple of months ago, two friends generously volunteered to throw me a baby shower. I was told all I have to do is pick a date and supply a list of names (+addresses).

Well, not so easy.

Both these friends live in small apartments, so then the shower was going to be at my house (great, I get to clean!!? Thanks!). Then the parade of questions: "What colors do you like? Do you want a theme? what type of food should we have?"

I thought as the mom-to-be I was just supposed to show up, smile a lot and leave (with lots of loot and good memories).

Fast forward to last Wednesday, during our couples counseling (yes, we are still going) Mr. Jem and I are talking about the shower and how he wants his mother there - I agree, but we live in a smallish house and my mom will be there,too. How do we make this work?

At that session I came to a sudden and tearful revelation.

I don't want a baby shower.

I never wanted a shower, but had only bowed to social pressure. In fact Jewish tradition (superstition?) is that you have a party once the baby arrives - for the bris or circumcision if it's a boy, or for the baby naming (Hebrew name) if it's a girl.

On a deeper level, there's still part of me (about 5%) that is still skeptical that we'll have a real, take-home baby. Given that it's taken us over two years to get to this point (I know, not that long if the IF community, but you know what I mean), I know first hand that much can and could go wrong. Despite the fact that I've had a relatively easy pregnancy (ha! pg isn't easy, but my experience has been easier than most), there's a little voice in my head that is listing everything that could go wrong. (Of course the other 95% of me loves being pregnant, loves the attention that I get being pregnant, feels filled with love and is all glow-y and shit.)

I also remember dreading and reluctantly going to baby showers and just couldn't see myself having one for me. The shower was scheduled for Sat, March 10th, which is the during my last month of work.

I was dreading my own shower, folks. Not good.

So I said, "No. The invites haven't gone out yet, so let's just cancel." Mr. Jem agreed.

The new plan is to throw a party AFTER the baby comes to introduce her to family and friends. It will be in May or June (with the help of those friends who volunteered for the shower). I'm even thinking of having it catered by my favorite Mexican restaurant, so it's super easy.

That way the WHOLE family can be there (I can organize the comings and goings of the mothers) and I won't feel stressed.

Hugh sigh of relief.

Of course I really need to deal with these feelings of doom and gloom and disbelief about actually taking home a baby. I much rather do that here on this blog, with my own therapist, or talking to Mr. Jem. It's all been rather overwhelming. The pressure of a shower wasn't helping, either.

~Jem

Next post: Childbirth classes (oh, my!).

28w2d: OB visit and Maternity Leave (Updated)

2012-02-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

28 freaking weeks! Can you believe it, peeps? Amazing. It's still hard for me to wrap my little brain around. My incredible shrinking brain... (I have zero short-term memory left).

Yesterday's visit to the OB went well. I really like my OB, Dr. L. He's so easy going and positive. I have a friend whose doc is so conservative with the "You can eat this or do that's." Dr. L is very permissive, but has told me not to use my favorite face cream with some sort of acid in it, and my favorite protein powder because it has some artificial sweetener.

The best part of the visit was that Mr. Jem was there. We initially were shown into a room without an u/s machine... Mr. Jem looked around and said, "Hey, my ticket stub didn't say anything about not being able to see our baby today... Can we see her?" Dr. L laughed and led us into another examining room, with the caveat that we shouldn't "expect" an u/s. He then spent 5 minutes going bit by bit over our baby's anatomy. "There's her eye socket, her chin, her hands, her heart (144 ppm - perfectly normal), her belly, her labia, her feet, her brain, her eye socket again..." and on and on. LOVED IT! Mr. Jem has so few opportunities to "experience" her. I keep asking him to put his hand on my belly to feel her kicking, but he doesn't really feel much and is disappointed.

The other good thing was Dr. L confirmed that it is "pretty standard" for his patients to go on maternity/disability leave at week 36, as that's the point where he won't try to stop labor or a "birthday party." So I informed my boss that I'll be going out on leave 2 weeks earlier than I had said (4 weeks before my due date). Just 7 weeks away!!! Such a relief to move up the date. I'm bloody tired, as our friends across the pond put it.

UPDATE: To answer Oak's question: this new start date won't affect my leave end date. I'm fortunate to live in California, so there is extra protection for my job and extra disability pay, so I'll have a total of 22 weeks of disability + baby bonding leave.

My cold symptoms are slowly dissipating. Still on antibiotics (fully cleared by Dr. L), nasal spray, Robitussin. Still coughing, but starting to feel more normal. Unfortunately, normal means my insomnia is back. I was up at 3:00 a.m. for over an hour. Tired this morning.

Okay, I better get back to work.

Tomorrow: I'll post about my big Baby Shower Revelation.

~Jem

Pediatrician = check!

2012-02-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

Mr. Jem and I met with Dr. K last night for a consult. We LOVE him. He's been in practice for 27 years, very easy going, very funny, very straight forward in his communication style. There are 2 other physicians in his practice. They have a good night/weekend service and sick visits on Saturdays. He'll come personally to the hospital to check out our baby after she is born, and then sends a nurse to our home 2 days after we come home to see how baby and mom are doing. Both Mr. Jem and I feel totally comfortable with him and are very happy that we got to meet him ahead of time.

My cold is finally clearing up. Slowly. I'm still coughing, which hurts, but the antibiotics and the nasal spray is working and I'm better enough to come in to work. I wish I could just stay home and rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, but I need this job (mortgage to pay).

I'm at 28 weeks, so the end is in sight.

OB checkup tomorrow. I'll let you all (those readers who are still following) know how it goes.

~Jem

Pediatrician Consult Questions?

2012-02-02T16:48:00.000-08:00

Monday I have an appointment with Dr. K, a pediatrician. (Gulp!)

Dr. K comes recommended by my OB and a personal friend with a one-year-old. I don't want the first time I meet this man to be in the hospital after delivering (I tear up just typing those words).

So, my question for you all out there who have been there and done that, what questions should I ask during this consult? I imagine I'll have around 15 minutes with him.

So, bring it on, folks? What should I ask?

~Jem

27w0d: sick

2012-01-30T12:07:00.000-08:00

Here's my pregnancy update. Skip if you want.

Total Weight Loss/Gain: I'm up to 177.5 lbs. My goal is to eat well and gain only 3 lbs per month.

Maternity Clothes: 100%.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Same as before: I tend to fall asleep on the couch next to Mr. Jem and with Sharky on my lap around 8:00. I usually wake around 9 or 10 and head to bed. Always wake at 3:30 a.m. - gotta pee. Only had one day this week when I couldn't get back to sleep easily.

Movement: Steady kicks, occasionally hiccups (so cute). I can tell when she's sleeping because she's quiet.

Cravings/Aversions: I'm getting my sweets cravings under control. I still don't want to eat slabs of chicken.

Gender: It's (still) a Girl!

Symptoms: Swelling in my hands and feet - I have cankles! Lots of aches and pains in my back. No charlie horses lately (knock on wood). I'm still really tired from the anemia.

What I miss: My belly button (kidding!). Actually, my belly button is slowly disappearing. Just waiting for it to pop OUT. I do feel like my body has been hijacked.

What I look forward to: Meeting my baby girl!

Moods: Still super excited. Grumpy when my body aches. I'm starting to have dreams about being in labor.

Milestones: I just want to not be working anymore.

Medical concerns: Anemia, constipation, fatigue. Oh, and my right shoulder is only now feeling better (after over a month). The addition of iron really slowed things down. I've upped my fruit and veggie intake and it seems to have helped tremendously.

Sex?: No comment.

Misc: I have a bad cough, which sucks. What doesn't suck is that I've made it to 27 weeks.

~Jem

Week 26: technical difficulties

2012-01-24T16:19:00.000-08:00

Sorry for not posting for a while. My work blocked this site for a while (gasp!). Was it something I said?

I'm doing fine, as is Baby. Lots of daily movement. Being anemic sucks. I'm constantly tired and light-headed. A friend had her baby shower last Sunday and I knitted this.

~Jem

Fuzz Therapy

2012-01-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

This comic, thanks to gocomics.

Wish I was home cuddling with Sharky today. Not having a rotten day, just need the cuddles. Hope it lifts your spirits, if they need lifting.

~Jem

25w2d: boring and pic

2012-01-18T09:10:00.000-08:00

Hi,

I have nothing really to report. No drama. My shoulder still hurts and it's keeping me from sleeping well. I'm back at work at just want to be home, spacing out, planning and fixing up the nursery, reading blogs, relaxing, napping. I just don't really care about work. Blah.

Here's a baby bump pic. I'm getting bigger!!

~Jem

24w3d: pregnancy update

2012-01-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

(Today's post will be all about pregnancy. If you don't feel like reading about that right now, I completely understand. Hope to see you again soon.)

Total Weight Loss/Gain: I'm up to 176 lbs (!), 13 lbs since they first saw me (week 10) which the doc says is right on track. Going forward I need to eat well and gain only 3 lbs per month.

Maternity Clothes: 100%.

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Same as before: I tend to fall asleep on the couch next to Mr. Jem and with Sharky on my lap around 8:00. I usually wake around 9 or 10 and head to bed. Always wake at 3:30 a.m. - gotta pee. Only had one day this week when I couldn't get back to sleep easily.

Movement: Steady kicks, hiccups (so cute). I can tell when she's sleeping because she's quiet. She kicks more when I eat sweets.

Cravings/Aversions: Sweets. I pigged out over the holidays, so I need to temper my cravings for sweets with more veggies. I still get full really fast. Last night I made dinner but could only eat a few bites, but I had to eat a protein bar in line at the grocery store (earlier) because I thought I was going to pass out.

Gender: It's (still) a Girl!

Symptoms: Swelling in my hands and feet - I have cankles! My back aches in the evenings, not to mention my bum shoulder. Plus I think I'm starting to get Braxton Hicks contractions. It's a weird tightening/dull pain at the bottom of my abdomen. My legs are sometimes numb when I wake up in the middle of the night and get up to pee.

What I miss: My belly button (kidding!). Actually, my belly button is slowly disappearing. Just waiting for it to pop OUT!

What I look forward to: Meeting my baby girl!

Moods: Still super excited. Grumpy when my body aches.

Milestones: I passed my Gestational Diabetes test with "flying colors."

Medical concerns: The PA who saw me came in the room and asked, "Jem, are you feeling especially tired? Well, you are anemic. Your iron level is at 10 point something. Anything below 12 is low. If you weren't pregnant, we'd be super concerned. Just take these prescription iron pills (plus more fiber to deal with the constipation) and you should be fine."

Sex?: With Mr. Jem? Nope. Solo? Occasionally because, well, a girl has certain needs.

Misc: Thanks for all the support and recommendations about baby gear and dealing with the Industrial-Baby Complex. I'm making a list based on mommy recommendations and keeping it simple, just like I did when I got married (no brides-maids, no frou-frou stuff, just the basics).

~Jem

Overwhelmed

2012-01-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

I have become completely obsessed planning the nursery and shopping for baby. It has been a daunting, overwhelming task with me mostly buying nothing, doing nothing as a result.

During my 1-hr GD test on Saturday another PG woman in the waiting rooming recommended this site for all things baby. I paid for the book and a one-year subscription to their reviews (like Consumer.Reports, but better), but they have a community forum for coupons and other discussion boards.

Hopefully their recommendations will help me spring into action. The other thing holding me back is that I don't want to (literally) buy into the whole baby-stuff industry, which, like the wedding industry is trying to get you to spend, spend, spend!

I promise to update after my OB appointment this afternoon with GD results.

~Jem (eating sugary sour.patch.kids now just in case I can't in after today)

24w0d: Getting harder

2012-01-09T10:17:00.000-08:00

Literally.

This pregnancy thing is getting harder. Sleeping is harder, getting up from a seated position is harder and my belly is literally getting harder. I think I'm experiencing Braxon.Hicks contractions.

Not that I'm complaining.

Saturday I did my 1 hour gestational diabetes test. I have an appointment with the OB's office (with the Physician's Assistant, H instead of Dr. L) on Wednesday, so I'll let you know if I passed or not.

Had a total "pregnancy brain" moment last night: I was craving veggies and made a beautiful pot of minestrone soup (click here for the recipe). When it was done, I turned off the burner and went to cuddle with Mr. Jem and Sharky on the couch. 10 minutes later I started to smell this terrible burning smell. I leaped up, ran in to the kitchen to discover that I had turned the (electrical) burner to High instead of Off. The whole house smelled of burned veggies and the soup was ruined. Hopefully I can salvage the beautiful LeCreuset.Dutch.Oven pot tonight. Arrrggh. Luckily I had already eaten one bowl of the wonderful soup, so it wasn't a complete loss (I'm very constipated and need extra the fiber!). I still have more of the ingredients, so I will try again either tonight or tomorrow.

Still not complaining...

I tweaked my right shoulder and neck during the holidays... a trip to the chiropractor and masseuse didn't help last week. Heating pad does. Not typing or knitting (sniff!) does, but it's not practical, as my work is 99% at the computer. Have a follow-up appoint with the chiro (also my aunt) tonight. The most lovely Mr. Jem will be picking me up from the appointment after work, as it takes me almost 2 hours to get home from my aunt's office. Love him! He volunteered to come get me! Even with that big college football game happening tonight. The only silver lining on all this is that it has forced me to sleep on my left side, which is recommended.

Did I say i wasn't complaining? Well, I guess I am. It's not easy being pregnant. Of course, it's even harder NOT being pregnant, when you really want to be... goes without saying, but worth saying all the same.

Okay, so that makes me a (sorta) complaining and very grateful pregnant woman.

~Jem